


Not A Child

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, One Night Stands, Pining, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12612124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: Shoma is tired of being treated like a child by everybody around him, but most of all, by the man he has feelings for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have another request for Shoma/Yuzuru so this is one! I am very busy lately so I do not know how long this will be, but enjoy while it is coming! 
> 
> As always, English is not my first language, but my friend checks it so it should be okay.

The body on the ice moved in smooth, beautiful movements the likes of which Shoma ached for almost as much as he envied it. Yuzuru's music and his body moved as one, and Shoma wondered not for the first time how anyone else felt comfortable following him in the gala lineup. During competition, everybody had adrenaline going and their own skating to focus on, but during exhibition skates, when popped jumps and falls were only embarrassing, not disastrous, Yuzuru's beauty and strength combined into something amazing not unlike a ballerina on the stage during her solo and it was something that absolutely nobody could really match, in Shoma's opinion. Not in the current field at least.

"Does he know how you feel?" Shoma startled slightly as a voice spoke heavily accented Japanese at his side. He turned and saw Jason Brown looking at him with sympathy in his eyes, as if he knew the answer already.

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying his hand at playing dumb. Jason looked at him knowingly and he sighed. He liked Jason. Everybody liked Jason, it was impossible not to, but Shoma had always liked how welcoming and playful he was. Also, Jason spoke (albeit sometimes dodgy) Japanese and was always excited to practice it, so Shoma didn't have to try and string together the few phrases in English he felt confident enough in their meaning to actually use.

"Shoma-kun," he said pointedly and Shoma bit his bottom lip nervously and looked back at the ice.

He took a breath and sighed. "No. And he never can."

Jason hummed. "Why not? It's not like you aren't his type," he said and Shoma snorted softly, a ghost of a smile on his lips. 

What Jason was alluding to was the pretty much open-secret that Yuzuru was gay and definitely liked other skaters. Though they were friends before and remained friends after, so clearly it was just something casual, very few people hadn't known about Yuzuru dating Javier for about six months a couple years ago. During that spring and summer, they were so bad at keeping it secret that most people had a story about walking in on them kissing (or more, if Keiji's story about going back to get his phone from the locker room during an ice show and catching them in the shower together). 

"One time, I had hope," Shoma admitted, feeling more open since nobody around them could understand them and he knew he could trust Jason. "But then he told me 'Sho, you're like the baby brother I never had'. Just like everybody else, he thinks I'm a child." 

Jason smiled sadly. He seemed to smile for every emotion, and somehow every one made sense. "Oh no," he said, and Shoma nodded bitterly. "I know that feeling," he offered and Shoma frowned. Jason looked out at the ice. "I'm his age," he said, and Shoma was startled to realize he didn't actually know that before. "Everybody treats me like a teenager still. They all talk like I’m a kid and him like he's on the verge of retirement, but we're the same age."

"I kind of thought you were more my age and just started seniors early like he did," Shoma admitted. He wasn't a very observant person, so he hadn't really thought about it. "Sorry," he added, smiling a little sheepishly. "But I get it. Everybody treats me like I’m a little kid just because I'm small. I'm an adult, not a child, but even children I meet at events act like I'm one of them."

Jason shrugged. "At least your coach lets you do more mature routines," he said. "My coach says people like my cutesy routines best so I should stick with them. Every time I suggest something more sexy, she says it isn't my 'style'," he said, rolling his eyes.

He was right, Shoma realized. Shoma had seen him do more emotionally mature programs, but never something with a seductive slant like some of Shoma's routines. "That sucks. You're older than me," he said bluntly. "Shit, I'm going to be your age and still treated like a fifteen year old," he said glumly and Jason patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Hey, maybe things will get better." He nodded to the ice and smiled encouragingly. "Maybe one day, he'll notice you're not a little kid anymore," he said and Shoma rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, like that will happen."

~

Yuzuru smiled as he watched Shoma skating. He had really grown some. “I always was thinking he will be good someday,” he said, and Javier hummed at his side.

“His skills are incredible. I can’t believe you never told me about your fabulous little friend before he started kicking my ass,” Javier joked and Yuzuru laughed.

Watching Shoma skate was something special. He really loved the way he skated, expressing so much with such a tiny body. He was so very performative to be so shy normally. “I like that,” Yuzuru said, nodding to how Shoma used his fingers in his choreography. “He is very young but how he skates is very not young. Look at the hand. Not many use fingers to tell story. That very skilled skater thing. He is young but understands very much about convincing story.”

Javier nodded. “He’s definitely a good performer. He’s like you, but smaller.”

Yuzuru smiled. “I am okay with that description.” He watched Shoma spin and was amazed. “He is so graceful. Very nice.”

When Shoma finished, his finishing pose was very grown up and challenging, but the second he finished his run-through, a few others around the rink started clapping and cheering and he immediately blushed and smiled sheepishly, ducking in on himself some. Javier chuckled. “Such a shy kid the second the music stops,” he said, and Yuzuru smiled to himself.

When Shoma got off the ice, Yuzuru beamed. “Wow, that was amazing, Shoma-kun. You’re really getting good at slipping into a performance that is unlike yourself.” He patted his shoulder. “It’s almost like you’re very grown up when you skate, then when you stop you’re back to the same old Shoma,” he said, and Shoma smiled a shy smile, eyes a little twinkly.

“Oh, you’re saying I’m finally good enough to beat you, huh?” he joked and Yuzuru grinned, rolling his eyes.

“Maybe when you grow up,” he joked, and Shoma’s eyes cut to the side as he sighed. Yuzuru tilted his head. “Sho-“

“I’ve got to go call my mom. I just remembered I said I would talk to her today,” he said, smiling and bowing his head some as he all but ran away.

~

Killing aliens with Keiji was a fun way to spend an off-day on the first ice tour of the summer, Shoma thought. Laying around in Keiji's hotel room playing games meant he didn't have to go sight-seeing with the ones who had invited him to join them. His fun time was interrupted, however, by Keiji constantly stopping to text people.

"What's up? Do you not want to play two-player?" Shoma asked. "You can just watch if you want."

Keiji grinned slyly as he looked up from his phone. "Are you avoiding Yuzuru?"

Shoma blushed, unable to help it, and huffed. "What? No," he said, studiously looking back at the screen. 

"Oh you _are_ ," Keiji drawled, looking at him closely. "What is up with that? What happened to last winter's plan to woo him before the next season started-"

"That was before he called me the 'baby brother he never had' and then flirted with Boyang two days later," Shoma muttered a bit testily. "We're the same age," he stressed, growing frustrated. "He's the same age I am, so clearly it's not even my age, it's just me." He dropped the controller dejectedly, putting his face into the covers of the bed to muffle his groan. "I'm going to be like Jason Brown," he complained, voice muffled.

Keiji snorted. "What, peppy and outgoing and the exact opposite of yourself?"

Shoma turned his head, sighing as he looked at Keiji's feet, not really feeling like looking at his face. "Did you know he's Yuzuru's age?"

"Yeah, because his birthday is almost exactly a month after mine," Keiji said. "It came up once. Crazy huh? He seems like he's so much younger." He grimaced. "Everybody thinks I'm way older than Yuzuru."

Shoma nodded. "He said one time that people treat him like a teenager and even his coach won't let him do anything 'sexy' because people like that he's childlike. I'm going to be his age before people even treat me like a teenager. Now, people treat me like I'm a child."

Keiji shrugged. "Then show them you're not? You do more mature routines, and people talk about you seeming more mature in your performance than real life. Just remind your friends that you're not actually a child."

"And how exactly do I do that?" Shoma asked, lifting up on his elbows again. He grinned suddenly. "Hey, wanna get caught having sex in the locker room showers?" Keiji groaned, putting his hands over his eyes at what Shoma could only imagine was very vivid memories.

"Oh God, why would you make me think of that?!" He kicked at Shoma, trying to hit his side. "I'm going to make you leave now, goodbye, friendship over!"

Shoma laughed, avoiding his kicks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He repeated the apology over and over, but he figured it didn't do much good when he giggled the whole time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see some people like this!
> 
> First chapter was very short but this chapter is twice as long as it! Enjoy!

Shoma never said yes when people invited him out usually, but when Keiji mentioned that some of the European skaters had suggested that everybody in the show get together and go to a club on one of their off-nights, Shoma thought about what Keiji said and agreed to go. 

He wasn’t really sure what you wore to a club and even if he did know, he wouldn’t own anything like that. He picked out a pair of jeans that were dark and tight and then he put on one of his tightest v-neck shirts in a dark burgundy color. He gelled his hair so it was messy in a stylish way. He didn’t know if anybody else would be dressed down, but he had done his best. 

“Damn, Shoma,” Keiji said when he met him in the hallway, so he figured he had done well enough.

They were taking separate cabs from the hotel to the club, and some of the skaters didn’t want to go, so Shoma got stuck in a backseat between Keiji and Kanako, so at least it was people he knew whose elbows were digging into his ribs. When they got to the club, it was even more crushing, bodies on every side, but he wanted to prove he wasn’t the child everybody thought he was, so he had to learn to be outgoing. The best way to do it was through immersion. 

There was a table near the back that they finally got through the dance floor to where all the other skaters were sitting and having drinks. “Shoma-kun is here?! When did we invite those who aren’t even old enough to drink?” Shoma rolled his eyes at Nobu-kun as they approached the table.

“I’m old enough,” he argued, smiling and nodding to some of the others.

“Shoma!” Javier’s voice sounded behind him and he turned just in time to see Javier bringing a tray of drinks to the table. He put it down in front of Carolina, who cheered and started passing out drinks.

Yuzuru held his hand out for the glass of juice and giggled. “I’m the one who can’t drink and I am old enough,” he said, and Carolina looked between them curiously.

“What’s so funny?” she asked in English, and Shoma understood her enough to let Yuzuru explain his alcohol allergy and Shoma being slightly underage. 

“Don’t worry,” Javier said with a wink Shoma’s way. “If they say no, I’ll buy your drinks for you.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. “I get inside, is enough for bar,” he said, hoping like hell that his English made sense. He looked at Keiji and grinned. “Want to go get drinks with me?” he asked and Keiji smirked.

“Of course I want to get drinks,” he said, and they made their way to the bar. While waiting, Keiji grinned at him. “So, what’s your idea? You get drunk and that makes you more grown up?”

Shoma snorted. “I drink enough to not be so damn shy, maybe,” he said, and when they got the bartenders attention, he decided to do just that by ordering him and Keiji shots before getting an actual drink to take back to the table.

It worked well enough that, though Shoma didn’t have any more drinks, he was just warm and relaxed enough to say yes when, on his way back from the bathroom, a girl asked him to dance. He could see some of the others who weren’t already dancing and were still back at the table point at him and laugh, but he just wiggled his eyebrows at Nobu-kun and let the girl take his hand and guide him through the crowd. 

“So what’s your name?” he asked when she turned around and put her arms around his neck. She was about his height and was really pretty, so he didn’t mind too much when she just smiled and tilted her head to one side before pulling him into her space to start dancing.

She leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “Does it really matter?” before sliding her fingers into his hair, which made him realize exactly what she had in mind.

He blushed a little bit, but shook his head, grinning. “No,” he said, and she smirked as he put his hands on her hips and held her close as they moved to the beat. 

One song turned into another, and he didn’t mind that the girl showed no signs of wanting to stop dancing. He was a little surprised when, in the middle of a more sexy beat someone’s hands curled around his hips from behind and the girl he was dancing with giggled and smiled at someone over his shoulder. He felt a solid body press up against him and he turned his head to see a very attractive foreigner pressing up against him. He said something in English, his voice rumbling in his chest against Shoma’s back, and Shoma just tilted his head in confusion with a polite – and interested – smile. He wasn’t going to say no to one of the hottest guys he’d ever seen wanting to dance.

The man spoke to the girl this time and she laughed and met Shoma’s eyes. “He asked you if you were only interested in dancing with girls,” she said, and Shoma smirked and looked back over his shoulder and deliberately shook his head in a slow move while speaking to the girl.

“I’m not picky if my partner’s that cute,” he said, and she grinned and relayed that message to the guy behind him. 

“I don’t mind sharing,” she said and Shoma swallowed hard at the implication before pulling her in again, hands on her hips while the man behind him held him by the hips. As the song changed to something with a slower, sexier beat, he couldn’t help but wonder how the hell he got so lucky to have a hot guy and a hot girl both grinding on him like he was the hottest person in the club. 

The girl said something to the man and Shoma watched curiously, waiting for her to translate, but she just leaned in and – to his shock but approval – pressed her lips to his. He raised his eyebrows in surprise but kissed back, moaning curiously against her berry-flavored lips. “My friends are looking for me at the bar,” she said to him before pulling away. She winked. “Maybe I’ll bump into you again later if you’re not otherwise preoccupied,” she said and he felt a flush of heat through his body when he realized what she meant. 

When she slipped into the crowd and disappeared, Shoma tilted his head to look up at the man still holding his hips and was met with a flirtatious wink before the guy pressed his lips to Shoma’s ear, making Shoma shudder. “I don’t know if you can understand anything I’m saying, but you’re hot,” the man said, and Shoma understood well enough to make him smile and bite his bottom lip teasingly as he met the guys eyes and grinded back against him some. “Mmmmm,” he purred, trailing kisses down Shoma’s jaw after that. Shoma’s English was bad, but he understood more than he spoke, for which he was grateful at the moment. 

Shom felt brave enough to turn around in the guy’s arms an press his hands to the firm, muscled chest he had felt against his back. The guy smiled and slid one hand to Shoma’s ass and the other to touch his face and then tip his chin up. Shoma looked up at him through his eyelashes, trying to convey without words that he was absolutely on board. It seemed to work because the next thing he knew, he was being kissed by a second person tonight. 

Shoma hummed against his lips and sighed into the kiss, enjoying the brush of stubble against his skin as a large hand squeezed his ass and the other massaged at the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

~

Yuzuru was enjoying being out at a club where it was too crowded for anybody to realize who he was. Carolina and Miki had gone to dance, Kanako and Keiji had gone to get more drinks, a few others had ran off to somewhere, and Yuzuru was left at the table with just Nobu and Javi at the moment. “This is fun. I never get to go out.”

“None of us do,” Javier said with a grin. 

Nobu snorted. “You two have room to talk, try having kids,” he said bluntly. 

“Speaking of kids,” Carolina said, giggling as she stumbled back to the table. “Check out the baby boy!” she said, sliding into the seat beside Javi. She pointed to the crowd and Yuzuru followed her finger, only to laugh.

“Holy shit,” Javier said, and Nobunari barked out a laugh to match Yuzuru’s.

Shoma was dancing with a girl. Yuzuru cooed. “Awww, that’s cute,” he said, and they all smiled and cooed while watching Shoma dancing with some girl. Keiji came back to the table to grab his beer and Yuzuru nodded at Shoma. “Look over there,” he said, and Keiji nearly choked on his beer when he saw Shoma and the girl dancing.

“Daaaaamn, when he said he was going to have fun- whoooaaaa!” Everybody turned to see what had surprised him so until his eyes were wide and Yuzuru’s eyes widened as well when they saw that, now, there was a man behind Shoma and the girl in front of him, still, and they were all talking. 

Yuzuru frowned. “What is Shoma doing? I haven’t been drinking so I know that really is a man. And an adult one, too, not young like that girl.”

Javier chuckled. “Well, well, well. Learning things I didn’t know about Shoma today.”

Nobunari chuckled. “He’s not a child or anything. That guy is no older than Javi at the most, and Shoma’s an adult.”

Carolina gasped and laughed loudly when the girl kissed Shoma. They all catcalled – though he was too far to hear them – as she walked away. Yuzuru expected that to be that and for Shoma to come back to the table, but instead he turned in the arms of that man and then the man _grabbed his butt_. “Holy shit, Shoma wasn’t joking about clubbing. Boy is capitalizing on this night,” Nobu joked.

Yuzuru was confused and somewhat startled to see Shoma making out with a random man on the dancefloor. And there were no words to be minced, that was absolutely what was going on. “Whoa!” Yuzuru gasped, eyes wide as the man pulled Shoma so close by the butt that his toes barely touched the ground.

“Wow, are they gonna do it right there on the dancefloor?” Keiji asked, laughing.

Carolina smirked. “Can’t blame him, that guy’s cuuuue,” she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows. Yuzuru had to agree. He was tall, blonde, and very handsome. 

“I wonder if Shoma even know what he’s saying,” Keiji mused, snorting into his beer. “If that guy doesn’t speak Japanese, there’s no way Shoma understands him in this loud of a club.”

Yuzuru raised an eyebrow. “Somehow I do not think Shoma will be dancing that way with a man he does not even talk with,” he said, and Carolina shrugged, making a bit of a face.

“I would. The universal language of sex,” she said with a smirk before downing her drink. “I’m going to find me a cute man to dance with!” she announced, leaving the table. 

As she was leaving, Miki came back with Kanako and hit the table with her palms as she sat down. “Damn, did you guys see Shoma?!” Miki asked, and Kanako laughed and nodded.

Yuzuru frowned some, looking over at the dance floor where Shoma was no longer dancing with that man. “Yeah, we saw it,” he said, wondering exactly where Shoma went as anxiety prickled at his spine. 

After a while of them being gone, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, already taking his phone out to call Shoma and see where he went.

~

Shoma laughed as his back hit the wall, and he immediately tugged the man – who he thought said his name was Brad, unless he said something was ‘bad’ – back into another kiss. He really hadn’t planned on making out with a stranger, he just wanted to dance and show everybody he wasn’t a child, but Maybe Brad was really hot. Shoma hadn’t ever done something so spontaneous, but he wasn’t going to complain. Nobody had looked twice at him all night, so he assumed the club was so crowded and the lights flashing in the dark so much that nobody recognized Shoma Uno, figure skater, and just saw him as another boy in the crowd. 

Nobody even seemed that phased by two _men_ making out in the hallway that led to the bathrooms as they passed them. Shoma moaned softly as Probably Brad’s fingers brushed the skin showing where his shirt had ridden up. He pulled back from the kiss to breathe and tipped his head back with a happy groan as Brad – he was just gonna call him that in his head – kissed his neck instead. 

“Shoma!” Shoma opened his eyes, looking over Brad’s shoulder only to blush when he saw Yuzuru standing there, looking at him with wide eyes. Brad pulled back when he felt Shoma tense and followed his gaze, only to raise an eyebrow.

He said what Shoma thought was maybe, “Is this your friend?” but Shoma just focused on Yuzuru, his cheeks growing red as he saw the shock in his eyes. 

“Shoma, what are you doing?! You’re you! And we’re in public!” he spluttered.

Shoma bit his lip, but when he felt Brad’s fingers shift slightly against his hip he decided he deserved to have fun for once. “And? Nobody has noticed me. This guy doesn’t even know my name,” he said, tapping his fingertips against Brad’s shoulder.

Brad tilted his head. “Is something wrong?” he asked Yuzuru, and Shoma could follow that much.

Yuzuru was a bit easier to understand when he replied, “Could you possibly let go of him when we talk?” he asked in a testy tone and Shoma rolled his eyes but grabbed Brad’s shoulders tighter when he started to withdraw. Brad looked at him and Shoma shook his head.

“Okay?” Shoma asked, smiling at Brad encouragingly. He slid his hands down his arms to catch Brad’s hands and put them back on his hips. “I like,” he said, hoping he was right with his word choice. 

“Shoma,” Yuzuru said plaintively, but Shoma just looked at him and gave him a pointed look.

“I am an adult, I can do what I want. Nobody is going to see me, he doesn’t know who I am to tell anybody, so I’m fine.” He narrowed his eyes when Yuzuru started to argue. “You got caught fucking your best friend when you we’re my age.”

“That’s different-“

“Yeah, when I’m done with this one nobody will see me still flirting with him even though he has a girlfriend,” he said bluntly. He wanted to get Yuzuru’s attention at the start of the night, but not in some overbearing older brother capacity. If he couldn’t make him notice he was an adult, he was damn sure not letting him stop Shoma from enjoying someone else who did.

Yuzuru looked startled but rolled his eyes and walked away without another word. Shoma turned back to Brad, who tilted his head close to Shoma’s ear, speaking slow. “Ex-boyfriend?”

Shoma shook his head. “Friend.”

Brad smiled. “You do understand.” 

Shoma bit his lip, thinking hard. “Tiny English?” he said doubtfully, unsure of what he said. He held up a hand to show his finger tips a centimeter apart. 

“Shoma is your name?” Shoma understood that and smiled, nodding. He pointed at himself.

“Shoma, me.”

Brad asked something else, including Shoma’s name, and Shoma had no idea what he said. He tilted his head in confusion. Brad smiled and reached down to his pocket and came back with a wallet. Shoma watched in confusion as he opened his wallet and took something out. He held up a card and as the light caught it Shoma realized it wasn’t a credit card but a room key. His eyes widened and he looked up at Brad, who tilted his head and wiggled the card. Shoma realized what he was asking and for a moment he thought about how much trouble he could get in if his coach found out. However, Brad was really hot and Shoma was only human. He bit his lip, trying to figure out how to tell Brad he had to go back to his table for a moment.

“No?” Brad asked when Shoma stepped back. 

Shoma smiled and shook his head, grabbing Brad’s hand. “Yes,” he said, plucking the hotel room key out of his hand with the other hand. He looked at Brad while he stuck Brad’s key in his pocket and then nodded his head for him to follow. Shoma kept his hand in Brad’s, tugging him along as he headed back to the table where the others were. He saw Yuzuru whispering something with Javier and he had a good idea what about. Ignoring them, he looked at Keiji. “Can I have my phone?” he asked.

Keiji looked at him curiously. “Yeah, why?” He had given Keiji his phone since his pants were too tight and he was worried it would fall out when he danced. 

Shoma raised an eyebrow, jerking his head towards Brad, who was standing behind him patiently. “What do you think?”

“Who’s your friend, Shoma?” Carolina asked in English. 

Brad spoke up and he could understand him for the most part when he introduced himself, confirming that his name really was Brad. Kanako’s eyebrows went up and she giggled. “Wow, really? We’ve only been here an hour and you already picked one to get out of here with? My, my, little Shoma has grown up,” she said and Shoma blushed and rolled his eyes. 

“Phone, please?” he said, holding out his hand for Keiji.

Keiji grinned and stood half-way to get Shoma’s phone from his pocket. “If your coach calls me looking for you in the morning, what do you want me to say?” he asked and Shoma smiled bashfully at the thought of tomorrow morning.

“Just tell her I went for a jog,” he said, pushing his phone into his pocket. 

“You cannot be serious,” Yuzuru said, and Shoma turned to see Yuzuru was looking right at him with a stunned look on his face.

Shoma just smirked and reached out for Brad’s hand, looking right at Yuzuru as he tangled his fingers together with Brad’s. “See you tomorrow for practice, Yuzu-kun,” he said pleasantly, looking up at Brad, who seemed finished with his conversation with Carolina. “Go?” he asked in English, and Brad nodded with a bright smile.

“Okay,” he said, turning to start away. Shoma just wiggled his fingers at the others, blushing just a bit as the reality of how rash and unlike his usual shyness this night was turning out to be, as he fell into step behind Brad, letting the taller man guide the way through the packed crowd to the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad you guys are liking this one! <3

Shoma had never gone home with a stranger, so he was nervous as they approached Brad’s hotel. He had had sex before, but only with two people, and both of them ones he knew from school or his home rink. In the elevator, Brad spoke slowly enough that, in the quiet of the elevator, Shoma could understand him.

“Are you okay?” He smiled and touched Shoma’s cheek. “Do you still want to?”

Shoma thought about it, and for a second, he almost reconsidered, but he was still horny from all the making out at the club and Brad was still very hot. He smiled and leaned into the touch, hands moving to rest on Brad’s middle. “Yes. Want.”

Brad just grinned and brushed a quick kiss to his lips before the elevator doors opened. When they got out, Shoma followed Brad down the hall and when he stopped in front of a door, Brad smirked at him before he reached down into Shoma’s back pocket, where he had slid the key, and he grabbed it, squeezing Shoma’s butt before he tugged it out and moved to unlock the door.

When they went inside, Brad walked over to turn the lamp beside the bed on, and Shoma hovered by the door, hands in his pockets. Brad looked at him and walked over. He smiled and Shoma bit his lip and reached out, fingers brushing Brad’s wrist. Brad slid his hand out and curled it around Shoma’s waist as he stepped into his space and leaned down to meet Shoma as he lifted himself up on tiptoe. Shoma’s nerves eased as Brad kissed him. He slid his hands up into Brad’s hair, sighing into his mouth. 

From there, moving to the bed didn’t take much time at all. Shoma had never been particularly shy about his body, so rather than get more nervous the less clothing they had on, he just got more sure about his choices. Brad was a _great_ choice. He knew just where to touch and kiss to make Shoma’s skin dance with pleasure. He was strong enough to move Shoma wherever he wanted him, but gentle enough that his touches only brought pleasure, not a moment of pain. Shoma had only had sex with one other man before, and though he had liked it, it had hurt, but Brad was clearly experienced enough to know how to take it slow and go easy so that it never hurt more than a slight discomfort at the start. 

Shoma’s only regret for the whole night was that, in his haze of pleasure, as his blunt fingertips dug into broad shoulders and blonde hair and his legs tightened on either side of such a large man, he reached orgasm to the thought of bony shoulders, black hair, and an impossibly narrow waist between his thighs instead.

~

Shoma was running very late and couldn’t figure out which bus he needed to take to get to the rink. He had really meant to go home the night before, joking with Keiji aside, but when he and Brad got out of the shower they had shared to clean up after having sex, Brad just tugged him into bed with him, curling an arm around Shoma before falling asleep. Shoma had never stayed the night before, so he decided to just enjoy it. 

Brad had woken him up with kisses to his neck and once Shoma woke up, he disappeared under the covers to _really_ give Shoma a nice wakeup call. By the time Shoma reciprocated as a ‘thanks for a nice time’, he was too late to get back to the hotel and to the rink in time, so he texted his coach to say he had left for the rink with Keiji and forgot his bag, so she promised to bring it to him. 

Now, however, he was stuck in the middle of the city with no knowledge of what bus would take him there and no cash on hand to just get a cab. He couldn’t call his coach to take care of it for him, not without her realizing he had lied. Keiji had already covered for him so much, he didn’t want to call him and ask him to arrange a car for him and promise to pay him back. In the end, it took him twenty minutes of trying to work out the bus route map before finally caving and asking someone for help. Obviously, asking for help drew attention to who he was, so he ended up taking multiple photos with a group of older ladies, but he did, after all, figure out what bus to take. 

When he arrived, he was ten minutes late and knew his coach was going to see him in clothes from last night, not training clothes, and know he was lying, so he skirted around the hallways, watching for clear space to run. By the time he got to the locker room, he was the last person to get there but not late enough for them to all have left the locker room yet. When he walked through the door, he was met with whistles and catcalls from Javi, Nobu, and Keiji and he froze like a deer in headlights. He could see himself turning red in the mirror. Yuzuru just looked at the mirror again, studiously ignoring them all as he tried to gel his hair out of his eyes. He looked a little mad, but Shoma didn’t really care. He didn’t know why Yuzuru was so offended by Shoma refusing to be the ‘little child’ Yuzuru saw him as. 

What made it worse was the others who hadn’t gone out with them all looking around in confusion. “What’s up?” Stephane asked, and Shoma panicked, jerking his head back and forth quickly at Keiji, but Nobu didn’t seem to notice or care.

“Anybody notice something odd about Shoma-kun’s appearance?” he asked with a smirk.

Stephane hummed, looking at him with a tilted head, fingertip to his chin. “No training clothes?” he asked, and Shoma suddenly wished there was loud music here so his English comprehension was worse. 

Javi started humming what sounded like a dirty song and suddenly Johnny Weir looked at Shoma with narrowed eyes and then barked out a laugh. “Oh my God!” he cried, clapping his hands over his knees as he leaned forward. “Did you just ‘walk of shame’ to practice?!”

Shoma was pretty sure he knew what all those words meant, but not together, so he looked at Nobu in confusion. “What?”

Nobunari just snickered. “You know, ‘walk of shame’? It means coming home in the clothes you wore out to have sex with a random person in. Like ‘one night stand’?” he said, and Shoma groaned, slapping a hand over his face.

Stephane whistled. “Wow, the baby is a man, huh?” he joked and Shoma shuffled over to where his bag sat beside Keiji and started digging his things out. “Hell, I’m surprised any of you kids get laid so easily these days,” Stephane added. “I never had time to go out.”

“Same here,” Johnny said, sighing. “We’re so old now.”

Javier snorted. “There is a reason I’ve only ever dated skaters. No time to meet anyone else.”

“Can’t really relate,” Nobunari said with a dirty grin. “I started having kids before I retired.”

“Well, we don’t have to worry about that with Shoma at least.” Shoma turned and looked at Yuzuru with wide eyes, dropping his bag of toiletries. 

Everybody got quieter, and Javi cleared his throat. “Yuzuru, maybe you shouldn’t say that in public. Shoma might not want people thinking-“

“Oh what, everybody who doesn’t know in here has probably also had sex with strange men, so what’s the harm,” he said a bit viciously, slamming his brush down before walking out, grabbing his skates without looking back as he left the room. 

Shoma’s cheeks were flushed with anger and embarrassment, so he turned back to his bag and started yanking out his clothes. He wanted to change and leave without facing the silence of the room. “Wow, that was so wrong of him.” Shoma was a bit surprised by what he was pretty sure the meaning of that statement was. He turned his head to subtly look over at Stephane’s stunned expression. 

Javier looked frustrated. “Yuzuru can be really mean when he gets mad,” he said in a tighter tone than before. He looked at Shoma, who bit his lip, wanting to look away. “Nobody has the right to tell people things like that without your permission. Not even him,” he said seriously and Shoma looked down again.

“I don’t know who pissed in Yuzuru’s cornflakes, but you don’t just out people like that,” Johnny said loudly. “I’m gonna go see where Miss Prissy Pants ran off to and give him a piece of advice,” he said as he stood up and left the room.

Nobu whistled and swapped to Japanese. “What the hell is up with him, Shoma-kun? What’s he got a problem with you living your life for?”

Shoma huffed angrily. “You know Yuzuru. He has to have things his way, and his way is to think of me as a damn child just because he thinks I’m cute and adorable like a toddler.” He snatched his shirt off, suddenly not caring if anybody would see the bruises on his hips from Brad’s hands. He pulled on his training clothes and took off his necklace, putting it in his bag. “He calls me a child, but he’s the one who should grow the fuck up,” he gritted out as he slammed his bag on the floor and grabbed his skates once he was dressed, walking out without bothering to put them on yet.

~

Yuzuru didn’t even know why he was so upset about Shoma showing up with last night’s clothes on and the edge of a bruise showing from beneath his v-neck shirt. He sat by the rink, putting his shoes on with shaking fingers, wondering why he felt so frustrated by Shoma’s behavior.

“Hey, Yuzuru.” He looked up in surprise as he saw Johnny coming towards him. “What was that?” he asked bluntly.

Yuzuru bit his lip from the shame. He had no idea why he had said what he did, but he hated admitting he was wrong. He couldn’t apologize when he still felt angry. “He is doing it in public, I think he doesn’t care who knows-“

“And it’s never okay to out somebody, even around people who won’t judge him,” Johnny interrupted, making Yuzuru feel even more ashamed. He crossed his arms as he looked at Yuzuru. “You’re a sweet boy, Yuzu-kun. Don’t be that kind of a shitty friend.” 

Yuzuru sighed, deflating some. He put his hands on his face and groaned. “I know,” he sighed. He looked up at Johnny, feeling more ashamed than ever that one of his idols growing up, who happened to be gay, had been there when he just told everybody about Shoma. “I just- he is behaving so odd. I do not understand. Everything he does is dangerous-“

Johnny put a hand on his knee and sat down beside him. “And his business. Yuzuru, as adorably babyfaced as that boy is, he’s an adult. What he does – and who – is none of our business. You don’t want your friends taking risks, and I get that, but ultimately, that’s not your job to control.” 

Yuzuru nodded. “I just feel so crazy. I do not understand. I was feeling very much worry for him,” he said softly. “He cannot be having people tell the world he likes boys and then he kisses strange man he cannot even talk with in public, which is bad enough, and then he _leaves_ with him,” he stressed. “Anything can happen! People see or man hurt him or he tell people-“

“But just because you worry doesn’t mean you can try and control his life,” Johnny said seriously. He gave him a pointed look. “Also, I’ve heard a thing or two about you, Mr. Hanyu, that says you aren’t the most careful boy either,” he said and Yuzuru flushed. He wasn’t wrong.

“That is not the same. It was with friend I can trust and only in places with skaters no public,” Yuzuru defended.

Johnny gave him a flat look. “And you really think you can trust _other skaters_ with that kind of damaging knowledge?” he asked bluntly, and Yuzuru cringed. He knew he was right. There were so many vicious people in this sport. He was very lucky that he and Javier had never had some falling out after that summer and that they shared a coach so ratting each other out was never going to be an option without Brian murdering them both. He was also very lucky it had been Keiji that caught them in the shower together, not someone he couldn’t trust. 

“I just… I get so mad he is so careless,” he sighed.

Johnny chuckled. “Sounds to me you might be kind of jealous.”

Yuzuru flushed suddenly. “What?! No! Shoma is young and cute, I never even think like that!” he spluttered.

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “I was talking about jealous he got some and you didn’t, but that reaction raises a few questions,” he said, trailing off, and Yuzuru shook his head frantically.

“No. No way. Never,” he said, standing up and heading over to the ice, barely even stopping to take off his skate guards before skating away before Johnny could make any more horrible suggestions about _Shoma_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you guys are liking this one!

Keiji was absolutely shameless about his prying, Shoma discovered. “But how do you skate comfortably after spending all night… you know.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Shoma blushed and rolled his eyes. “Well first, why do you just assume I am the bottom? Second, it doesn’t hurt the next _day_ ,” he said, grimacing. “Maybe if you do something wrong.”

Keiji smirked. “I think that answers why I assumed.” Shoma gave him a flat look and Keiji hummed. “But really, no problems skating?”

“Well.” Shoma blushed. “I- uh- I got a cramp because I’m not super flexible and my hip twinges a little bit,” he confessed and Keiji frowned.

“How does that-“ He stopped and his eyes went wide. “Ooohhh. Oh right.” He snorted and fell over against the wall laughing. “I just imagined your coach finding out you caught a cramp because of sex.”

“At least she doesn’t see the bruises all over my shoulders.” Shoma smirked. “He was a hickey kinda guy.”

“Ew,” Keiji said, snickering. “I didn’t need to know that.”

“So I shouldn’t show you the ones on my thighs, then?” Shoma asked, pretending to untie his training pants, laughing when Keiji cried out in alarm and covered his eyes.

“What’re we laughing about?” Shoma looked up as Nobu walked in with Javier and Yuzuru.

Keiji smirked and opened his mouth so Shoma spoke up before he could say something worse. “Keiji’s jealous I managed to get laid and he can’t.”

Nobu laughed. “Are we really still talking about one guy having sex?”

Keiji sighed. “Not all of us have beautiful wives waiting for us at home,” he said dramatically. 

Javier swatted Nobu’s back. “Most of us don’t get to go home to a loving family, basking in the joy of retirement with a pretty wife and handsome sons,” he played along.

Nobu hummed playfully, tapping his chin. “Very true. I am the true winner in the game of life.”

“You’re old and retired, that’s all,” Yuzuru teased and Nobu pretended to fall from the vicious stab to the heart. 

Keiji snickered. “Old, retired, and getting to go home nightly to a smokin’ hot wife. While the rest of us are lucky to keep a girlfriend for more than a few months because we have no time for them.”

Javier slung an arm around Shoma’s shoulders, making Shoma blush preemptively, already knowing something embarrassing was coming. “Unless you’re still young enough to get away with hooking up with hot strangers in night clubs,” he said and Shoma ducked his head. “Whoa!” Shoma felt him tug at the neck of his shirt and then double over laughing. “So many bruises!”

Nobu’s eyebrows flew up and he wheezed out a laugh. “Why so many bruises?! Are you into kinky things, Sho-kun? It’s always the quiet ones,” he intoned, wagging a finger.

Keiji snickered. “Shoma said foreigners like to give hickeys,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “I asked him how it was skating after a wild night like the one he clearly had and he said he caught a cramp because he’s not flexible!” he said and Shoma huffed.

“Just tell anybody about that, it’s fine,” he said flatly, but Nobunari was laughing too hard to care. 

“Wait, just a cramp?” Nobunari asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “What about-“

“Oh my God,” Shoma groaned, rolling his eyes. “You straight guys,” he said, shaking his head.

Yuzuru frowned. “What about what?”

Shoma looked over at Yuzuru for split second and then studiously ignored him, because he wasn’t in the mood to joke around with Yuzuru after how much of a jerk he had been all morning. Keiji, however, seemed more willing to converse. “I know for a fact you’ve done it that way,” he said and Yuzuru and Javier both turned very slightly red, shuffling to put some space between them. “Shoma says being on the bottom doesn’t mess up his skating the next day,” he said, and Shoma gave him a pointed look of annoyance. 

Yuzuru scrunched up his nose. “You do not get injured, why would the next day be a problem?” He paused. “Unless you like it freaky rough.”

Nobu hummed. “I just assumed it has to hurt.”

“Why would you do it if it hurt that bad?” Yuzuru asked, seeming confused. "The whole point of sex is feeling good," he said pointedly. "Maybe the very first time it might be uncomfortable for longer after, but nobody would do it if it didn't feel good, and if it still hurts the next day, it probably doesn’t feel good."

Nobu nodded, seeming to really think about it. He glanced at Shoma with a teasing smirk. "I guess that wasn't the first time, then."

Shoma gave him his most expressionless look. "I'm nearly twenty years old and an internationally known figure skater, what do you think?"

Nobu scrunched his nose. "That I had managed to have a grand total of one girlfriend and zero one-night-stands by the time I was your age because I was way too busy for all of that?" he asked, looking at Shoma curiously. 

"Damn, Shoma," Keiji said, whistling. "Gotta be honest, I didn't think you'd never had sex, but I didn't think it's what you make it sound like."

Shoma flushed, eyes widening. "I'm not saying _that_! I don’t sleep with tons of strangers, just people I knew from school or skating." He groaned. "Does everybody think I'm the type to do one-night-stands now?" he asked with a dejected sigh. "Great. Now I'm not just a child, I'm a dirty child."

Nobu grinned. "Carolina totally thinks you're a dirty child. She was talking about last night at the club to some of the other ones our age and mentioned how you were dancing with a girl and a guy at the same time and now I think a few people are convinced you went off to join an orgy."

Shoma made a pained sound and flopped over his knees. "Oh, great."

Yuzuru hummed as he packed up his bag. “Maybe people would not think such things if you didn’t behave like you do,” he said, and Shoma lifted his head to glare at him. However, before he could say anything, Yuzuru was gone, leaving Javier awkwardly standing beside his bag, clearly unable to understand what had just been said between them.

~

“What was that about?” Javier asked, following Yuzuru as he walked down the hall at that fast-paced speed-walking speed he had down from years of avoiding obsessive fans. “Yuzuru,” he said firmly, falling into step with him. Yuzuru tried to speed up and outrun him but he slung an arm around him. “You forget I’m taller than you, you can’t outrun me.” He grinned. “Besides, you would suffocate with your asthma far sooner than I would get out of breath from keeping up with you,” he teased. Yuzuru didn’t take the bait to joke around like usual, and he sighed. “Is it about Keiji bringing up the fact he saw us having sex that time-“

“Wow, can you say it louder at all?” Yuzuru said flatly, giving Javier a look. “And no,” he said, voice smaller.

Javier hummed. “Is it about Shoma?” Yuzuru grumbled and he figured he had hit the nail on the head. “Ah.” He hesitated, trying to think of how to word this. “Yuzuru, tell me.” He looked at him curiously. “Why does it bother you that Shoma isn’t the child you want to think of him as?” Yuzuru studiously avoided his gaze but his cheeks reddened, telling him he had figured it out. “He’s the same age you were when we were sleeping together. He’s not a child. Hell, these days he doesn’t even really look like one anymore.” Javier grinned. “He’s actually really grown up in the last year. He’s getting some pretty nice cheekbones and a nice jawline. He’s small, but really becoming a man-“

“Well great, maybe you fuck him next, then,” Yuzuru said in a slightly vicious tone that startled Javier. 

“Yeah, maybe I will,” he said, just to see what Yuzuru would do. Yuzuru actually stopped and turned around to look at him with a glare.

“That is not funny.”

“I’m serious,” Javier countered. “I was sleeping with a nineteen-year-old Japanese figure skater a few years ago, so clearly he fits my interest.”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “Yes, and Miki would be so okay with this.”

Javier shrugged. “Things with Miki and I are up in the air right now anyways, she would probably be okay with it offering a chance for some perspective.”

Yuzuru’s face softened and he looked concerned. “What? I am thinking things are good with you and Miki,” he said, looking at Javier worriedly. “It is not?”

Javier looked around to be sure they were alone and sighed. “I love her, and I love Himawari, and they love me, but the whole plan was to be a family and it’s hard to do that when I’m never there. We’re kind of thinking about our options right now,” he admitted and Yuzuru looked a little heartbroken over that news. 

“If you need that you talk to someone, I can listen,” Yuzuru promised, and Javier smiled.

“Thanks, I would love to talk, right now, about your weird issue with Shoma,” he said without hesitation and Yuzuru’s wide eyes turned skyward dramatically.

“Kuso.”

Javier grinned as Yuzuru swore and rolled his eyes. He turned on his heel and walked away and Javier was forced to follow him, falling into step again. “Seriously, why do you get so upset over him being an adult-“

“Because Shoma is supposed to be like little brother, all small and childlike, not- not going around sleep with total stranger in public!” Yuzuru spluttered. “He just has _sex_ with _stranger_!”

Javier scrunched his nose. “And? People do that, Yuzuru. Just because you live a monk-like existence with nothing but figure skating on the brain, it doesn’t mean other people are like you.”

“What-like?” Yuzuru asked and Javier sighed.

“Why do you care what he does but nobody else? You aren’t even as close to him as you are to me and you spent six months sleeping with me even though you knew damn well you didn’t have feelings for me and I didn’t have feelings for you. Why does it matter Shoma’s the one sleeping with people just to be having sex?” he asked, only to still when he saw the way Yuzuru pressed his lips together, looking hurt, oddly enough. “Unless… you wish he was having sex with you,” he mused.

Yuzuru’s ears turned bright red and he wheeled around. “That is crazy!” he spluttered, and Javier’s eyes widened in time with his smile. 

“Oh ho! You’re so bothered because Shoma’s growing up handsome and you can’t think of him like ‘a baby brother who is small and childlike’ anymore-“

“Shut up, Javi-“

“You’re _jealous_ he’s sleeping with strangers-“ He stopped when he saw Yuzuru’s eyes flash with hurt and his teasing tone waned. “Oh. You’re not jealous,” he realized and Yuzuru crossed his arms and spoke in jerky starts and stops.

“I do not- He is- It is about- It just happen-“ Yuzuru closed his eyes and sighed. “I cannot want him. I just cannot,” he said in a dejected tone. “He is always being my adorable little friend. Now he is being very much more like man in recent times, and I feel that I-“ He closed his eyes. “The more he is normal Shoma, all shy and sweet, the less hard it is for me to pretend.” He put a hand over his face and growled in frustration. “This grown-up who do sex with stranger is harder to still see like small boy who is shy when I talk to him.”

Javier sighed and slung his arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders. “Yuzuru, why can’t you like him? You get along well until this recent arguing. He’s an adult, you’re an adult, you speak the same language, both of you are skaters so it’s not like you don’t understand the distance and the distractions-“

“Because I never date person, just sex, and I cannot lost friendship because of stupid feelings!” Yuzuru whispered furiously. “It is stupid. Feelings are unnecessary. It’s ridiculous. Nobody should have to _feel_ things when there is no need. I can be his friend.”

“Clearly not,” Javier pointed out. “You keep being so rude to him and talking down to him. You’re trying to not have feelings and instead you’re pushing him away entirely.” Yuzuru looked torn and Javier smiled sadly when his shoulders slumped. “Be nice to him. Treat him like an adult. See what happens.” He patted his shoulder. “At least stop being such a jerk. He’s going to not want to even be friends with you at this rate,” he pointed out and Yuzuru looked heartbroken by that thought. 

It all made sense now, though. As far as Javier knew, Yuzuru had never had feelings for anyone, so for him to be so confused and lash out because of it made a lot more sense than him being mean to Shoma had previously.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you see why I add some tags I did!

Shoma was sick of Yuzuru being so annoying, so he was glad he got to be free of him when the ice show ended. Every time Yuzuru tried to message him during the off-season, he just deleted the message without opening it. Keiji tried to convince him to at least hear him out, but he was sick of being treated like a child deserving of ridicule by the one man he couldn’t stop himself from wanting. 

“Yuzuru is skipping them, so I may as well go,” Shoma said when Keiji called him to ask him about the pre-season press events and whether Shoma was going to come to them all. “Apparently he can’t be bothered coming back to the country for it.”

Keiji hummed. “Well, he is training to beat you,” Keiji pointed out. “That would interrupt his training for sure.”

Shoma hummed. “Part of me is glad. He didn’t seem to get that I wasn’t going to answer his messages for weeks.”

“You really didn’t read any of them?” Keiji asked, sounding annoyed. “Seriously, Shoma. Did you stop to think that maybe he wanted to apologize?”

Shoma scoffed. “If he wanted to apologize, maybe he shouldn’t have practically called me a whore in front of everybody,” he said bluntly. 

“And what if he’s sorry for that-“

“I don’t care if he’s sorry, he was an asshole,” Shoma interrupted. “I wish he wasn’t so damn handsome so maybe I wouldn’t have ever liked him,” he sighed.

Keiji snorted. “I doubt his looks are all that made you like him, Shoma. Honestly, I don’t know why you both got so crazy this summer. Sure, he treated you like a kid before, but you rubbed it in his face when you hooked up with that guy, and we all know how Yuzuru gets when people provoke him.”

“How is it provoking him?” Shoma argued. “I’m an adult and I reminded everybody that I am one. He just happened to be there-“

“I specifically told you to prove to him you’re not a child, Shoma, I just didn’t know you would flaunt some hook up in his face! God, you two are both so stubborn, you’re basically made for each other,” Keiji said before, much to Shoma’s shock, hanging up on him.

Shoma stared at his phone for a minute before he was distracted by a whistle from his doorway. He looked up sharply and flushed when he saw Itsuki standing in the doorway to his room. “What on earth did you get up to this summer, Sho-chan?” he asked, and Shoma flushed even as he tried to seem as unsuspicious as possible. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said flatly and Itsuki ignored him, coming to flop across his bed and prop his chin in his hands, smirking at Shoma. “I’ve been playing games all day. I haven’t spoken to anyone. See, look,” he said, pointing to the console beside him. 

“Soooo,” Itsuki drawled, still smirking. “Who’s ‘he’, and who did you hook up with and flaunt in his face?” he asked deviously. “And does Mom, know you’re gay?” he added.

“I’m not gay,” Shoma said flatly, because it was true. He just wasn’t straight either.

Itsuki tutted. “Sure you’re not.” He grinned. “No joke, Sho, I totally thought you were a virgin,” he said and Shoma rolled his eyes.

“I’m older than you,” he said pointedly and Itsuki shrugged.

“And you never talk to anybody you don’t have to talk to, you spend all your time with your coach, and you refuse to make friends.” He hummed. “Although, if you’re gay that explains it some.”

“I already said I’m not gay,” he said, and Itsuki raised an eyebrow.

“So the person you hooked up with was a girl?” he asked, and Shoma didn’t respond. He nodded. “Thought so.” He wiggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly. “So who was it.”

Shoma sighed, knowing he’d never get any peace if he didn’t say something. “A random foreigner at a club during an ice show. I think his name was Brad, probably,” he said, and Itsuki snorted in surprise.

“You had sex with a random foreigner? Did he even speak Japanese?” Shoma blushed and shook his head. “HA! You had to speak English to get laid, and it worked? I think the neighbor’s pet bird speaks more English than you.”

Shoma sighed. “You don’t have to talk to have sex,” he said bluntly, and that made Itsuki shut up, making a grossed-out face.

“Wow, you’re lucky you didn’t get kidnapped and sold. I saw an article about human trafficking. You’re small and cute, you would bring a lot of money even if you are too famous to sell easily,” he said and Shoma snorted, unable to not be amused by that logic. He grinned. “So the guy you like, is it Keiji? Because I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad have a bet on whether or not you two are dating since he’s the only person you actually talk to on Line.”

“No, dumbass, that was Keiji fussing at me,” he said, and Itsuki hummed.

“Interesting. Is it another skater or someone else? Oohhh, is it a coach?” he asked, looking intrigued. “An old man who treats you like a kid so you slept with a stranger to make him jealous and it didn’t work-“

“Okay, okay, stop talking and get out of my room,” Shoma interrupted, stopping his brother’s nonsense before it could get even more dramatic. “And don’t go talking about that crap. Half the neighborhood will think I’m having an illicit affair with Lambiel if you start saying I was trying to make a coach jealous,” he warned, and Itsuki shrugged.

“I don’t know who that is, but I’ll take your word for it.” He slid off the bed and started to leave, only to stop and turn back. “You never did say, does Mom know?” he asked, and Shoma flinched at the thought.

“I really don’t want Mom and Dad knowing I’ve ever had sex, nonetheless what gender of person I did it with,” he said, and Itsuki snorted out a laugh as he left and continued down the hall to wherever he was going in the first place.

The last thing he needed was to have to talk to his mother about how dangerous it was for someone as well-known as him to go to a strange man’s hotel room or something like that.

~

Shoma was successful at not speaking to Yuzuru before the season began, and he was really glad that his first event was not Yuzuru’s first event. In fact, about the only person he was really friendly with at his first event was Jason Brown. “Shoma-kun!” Shoma couldn’t help but, like most people, find Jason’s excitement at greeting him entirely endearing. He was just always so excited about everything. Shoma thought it had to be exhausting to always be so energetic, but he liked that Jason didn’t seem to expect much input, he was happy to just do all the talking and let Shoma nod along and occasionally ask him to repeat things since his accent was weird. 

And Shoma _really_ liked that he spoke Japanese. Shoma knew people thought he didn’t want to speak English, but he had spent half his life trying his best, it was just too hard to speak it without making a fool of himself. He had no idea how other skaters did it, going to train with foreign coaches so they had to speak English. Jason’s Japanese wasn’t great, but it was way better than Shoma’s English, and Jason didn’t get embarrassed when he said things wrong, he just seemed – as always – excited to learn the right way. 

As Shoma sat with Jason, chatting while they stretched on the floor, or rather listening to Jason chat at him, it struck him suddenly, a thought so random he couldn’t stop from saying it out loud. “It’s a shame it’s not you I have a crush on instead of him.” Jason stopped talking and looked at him in confusion.

“Do I hear right? I think I understand, but it is not expected,” he said, and Shoma blushed and smiled bashfully.

“I was just thinking,” he explained. “You’re the opposite of me in many ways, and we get along even though I’m normally shy.” He shrugged. “It’s a shame I can’t stop having dumb feelings for ‘him’,” he said pointedly, “When all we do is argue if we speak at all anymore. You and I would probably work well if we dated, but I don’t like you that way, I only seem to ever feel that way about him.”

Jason smiled. “Awww, it’s so sweet that you think we’d be a good couple,” he said, clutching his hands to his chest. “But yeah, I don’t really like you that way either,” he said, and Shoma giggled along with him. “Hmmm, does that mean something happened this summer? Last I heard, you guys were friends and your feelings were a secret.”

Shoma huffed. “He is an asshole, that’s what,” he said, and Jason clearly hadn’t learned swears yet, because he seemed confused. “I got sick of him treating me like a child, so I decided to prove I’m an adult, and I was just gonna dance with somebody at this club, but this really hot guy started dancing with me and Yuzuru freaked out when I was kissing this man, and the more annoying he got about ‘you are you you cannot kiss a man!’ the more angry I got, and then after I had sex with that guy, Yuzuru basically started talking about it with this way that made it sound like he thinks I’m a slut,” he said frankly. He felt comfortable talking to Jason about it for some reason. 

Jason didn’t seem to understand all of it, but he understood enough. “Wow, that’s terrible,” he said, frowning. “Are you sure he wasn’t just jealous?”

“Honestly, I don’t care if he was,” Shoma said honestly. “He is rude and it is uncalled for. He treats me like a child, so who cares what he thinks about me being an adult with people who don’t?” 

Jason hummed and nodded. “I bet he is jealous. He just doesn’t channel it well.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Maybe you should make him jealous more?” he suggested.

Shoma whined. “I don’t want to. I want to get over him!”

“Maybe he likes you, though?” Jason suggested. “He probably just doesn’t know how to handle it right. I mean, he hasn’t even dated anybody other than his best friend before, and rumor has it that wasn’t even dating, just adding benefits to their friendship. He probably doesn’t know how to have feelings.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. “Well I don’t want to be the person he learns to deal with is feelings with. It’s stupid to let him treat me like crap just because he has no idea how to feel things.”

Jason frowned. “What if it could be love, though? Isn’t it worth trying?”

Shoma shook his head. “Love doesn’t make you call the person you love a whore,” he said simply. “If he wants to even makeup our friendship, he has to stop being so mean. And if that’s his way of being jealous, I don’t want to deal with it anyways.” He scrunched his nose. “We would be long-distance, if his idea of jealous is being mean, it would never work.”

“But how can you be sure?” Jason asked, only to perk up suddenly, a bright smile on his face. “I have an idea!” he gushed. He danced excitedly a moment and Shoma smiled, always amused by how energetic Jason was. “I know how you can figure it out!”

Shoma tilted his head. “Okay, how can I possibly figure it out?”

“You said it’s too bad we don’t like each other, right?” Jason said, smiling widely. “You can pretend! Not open, obviously,” he said, waving a hand. “But like, with your friends, you can pretend you started dating me. If he’s just angry and jealous, then it’s not worth you trying to make up with him and go from friendship and see how it progress, but if he tries to make peace with your friendship, it can work.”

Shoma hummed, tapping his chin. That wasn’t a bad ideas really. “Are you okay with it? You don’t have to tell your friends, but this is figure skating, there’s bound to be gossip that gets back to your coach.”

Jason shrugged. “I could tell her the truth. And anybody else who hears the gossip might stop acting like I’m too sweet and innocent to have relationships.” 

“You really want to help me?” Shoma asked and Jason nodded.

“Sure. You’re my friend, too,” he said sweetly and Shoma grinned.

“Okay. Let’s do it, then.” He looked around. “We should take pictures to put on our phones. So if anybody looks it looks real.”

“Yay!” Jason said, getting to his feet smoothly. “Come here,” he said, holding his hand out for Shoma. Shoma grinned and took his hand, letting him pull him to his feet. Jason pulled out his phone and stepped behind Shoma, wrapping an arm around his chest from behind as he snapped a photo of them. “Oohh, cute!” Shoma was amused to see he was actually really smiling for once in a photo. He had been giggling at how silly Jason was so it looked like he genuinely was happy to be with him. 

“That’s good. Here, let me take one for me,” he said, digging out his own phone. He held it up in front of them and this time, turned to face Jason so they were cheek to cheek to take a photo. With their height difference, it was more chin to temple, but it still looked cute. 

Shoma tilted his head as he set the photo as his background. “We’re cute. This might just work.”

“I know, right!” Jason smiled at him. “This is awesome. Let’s just hope it helps you out.”

“Yeah,” Shoma said, already hoping things would work right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote so much of this ahead that I am posting even though I didn't write any more, lol

Shoma felt a little bad lying to Keiji, because of all his friends, Keiji was the one he talked to most, but he wanted people to believe he was dating Jason, and that meant everybody. He even ‘warned’ his coach after Lombardia that he and Jason had decided to give dating in secret a try. Lying to his coach felt far worse than lying to his friends, but she was actually happy for him.

He felt even guiltier because of that.

It also felt weird to be talking to Jason on Line. They were friendly, but not really friends before this. Now, however, they figured it was best to get to know each other better so they could talk about each other to other people and it sound realistic. It turned out, they actually got along well. “It’s crazy your favorite snack is the same as me,” Jason said, smiling at the camera while they video chatted.

“It’s crazy to me that you like that flavor,” Shoma countered. “It’s _gross_ ,” he stressed. “Why would you eat _vegetable_ flavored Umaibo?” he grimaced. 

Jason laughed. “Because not all of us hate vegetables,” he countered. “What’s your favorite flavor then?”

“Chocolate,” Shoma said without hesitation. “Always chocolate. My favorite sweets are all chocolate so I like chocolate Umaibo, too.”

Jason scrunched his nose. “They’re corn snacks, though, sweet corn snacks is kind of weird, isn’t it?”

“Vegetable flavored snacks is weirder,” Shoma said with a little teasing grin. “There’s a reason I am so small, I never ate my vegetables growing up,” he joked and Jason laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“This is why we’re friends, you’re just as silly as I am, you just hide it,” Jason said and Shoma’s smile softened.

“I’m just kind of shy. And I don’t know why, because with my friends I’m fine, and I’ve been skating all my life, but put me in front of a camera and I feel so uncomfortable,” he admitted. 

Jason hummed. “I understand that. I was never shy, but I entirely understand. When I first started getting fans I started freaking out a little because suddenly everybody watched things I did or said, and I was scared I was too weird for it, or that if I was so open everybody would realize I’m gay, but after a while I just kind of decided to be me,” he said, waving a hand. “It can’t be up to me to cater to other people’s ideas of how I should be. I have to just be myself and let people deal with that.”

“I worry, too,” Shoma admitted. “I started skating because I love it, but then I started getting really good and I knew how big of a deal that was, but I still kind of hate it,” he confessed. Jason looked surprised and Shoma worried his bottom lip, biting at the tearing skin there. “I sort of wish you could be a top figure skater without it being public, if that makes sense,” he said. “I want to do the best and I want to win, but I don’t like being famous. It isn’t too bad, I’m not like Yuzuru who can’t go through the airport without bodyguards when he lands here, but still when people ask for photos when I’m just walking to the store, it scares me a little. I don’t know why I’m so scared of people like that. I know nothing bad will happen but I just don’t feel good when strangers approach me, and then I feel guilty for being weird about people who just like skating the same way I do.” He blushed when he realized that he had just rambled so much. “Wow, I just said so much-“

“It’s okay, Shoma,” Jason said kindly. “I like that you trust me enough to tell me those things. I don’t have many friends who are skaters, so I get why you would want to talk to someone who understands.”

Shoma huffed. “I don’t have friends who aren’t skaters,” he admitted. “I don’t go out anywhere. I only really know other skaters.” He frowned. “Why don’t you have more friends who are skaters? Everybody I know likes you.”

Jason shrugged, looking a little sad. “I think that I’m too much for some people to put up with that often. I have friends, so I’m not saying I’m like a total loser, but I spend most of my time with my coach and choreographer and my family.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, my parents are my best friends, which is kind of pathetic for a grown man.”

“Maybe I don’t mind because I’m always too calm and quiet, so like I said before, we work because you fill the quiet I make,” Shoma said with a little shrug. “It’s good your family is close, though. My family is good, I live with my parents and my little brother, but I’m still really quiet at home, too.” He hesitated for a moment. “Does your family know you like boys?” he asked, and Jason nodded.

“Yes, I always felt comfortable telling them things like that. I didn’t really like anybody when I was younger, so I was sixteen before I realized I was probably gay, and I felt entirely comfortable telling them about it,” he explained. “They were never not supportive. I’m very lucky about that.” Shoma smiled when Jason flopped onto his belly on his bed at his end, because he could see him kicking his feet up behind him. It was so Jason. “What about you?” he asked. “Are you gay or do you like both?”

Shoma smiled shyly. “I like both. And my parents don’t know, I don’t think, but my brother overheard me talking to Keiji about the guy I hooked up with this summer. He was fine about it, just kind of laughed about me not telling our parents I like boys.”

Jason frowned. “Do you think they would be upset?” he asked, and Shoma scrunched his nose.

“I’m not sure?” He said it more like a question than an answer. “I don’t really think so, but I don’t know. They have never suggested any opinion one way or another. I think perhaps they would be okay with it, but I don’t think I need to risk it.” He grinned and rolled his eyes. “And I really don’t want to have my parents thinking about me having sex at all, no matter who with,” he said, and Jason laughed in surprise. 

“Oh my God, I totally talked to my mom about the first time I had sex,” he said and Shoma looked at him like he was crazy. “I was excited, because it was with my very first boyfriend, and I just had to tell somebody and my mom asked why I was so happy the next day and I just told her I was happy because I had sex with my boyfriend and then she wanted to check and make sure we were safe and I made smart choices and stuff,” he said, blushing a little bit. “It was weird but she was very relaxed about it and I was just really happy I could trust my mom that much.”

Shoma grimaced at the thought. “I have never even told anybody who or when I have had sex before. Everybody this summer was shocked I’d had sex before at all when I hooked up with that guy.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “I don’t get why they think you’re a child. You’re just short. It’s not really that big of a deal, we’re figure skaters, we’re all short.” He smirked. “So, since we’re ‘boyfriends’, you should totally tell me who all you’ve had sex with before!”

Shoma scoffed. “Oh because it’s so many,” he said though he was still blushing a little bit. “I had sex with a girl in high school, then a guy who skates at the rink but isn’t a competitive skater, and then that guy this summer. Three people, three times having sex.”

Jason pouted. “You’ve never dated anybody?” he asked with a sad look and Shoma shook his head. “Why not? Did those people you slept with not want to date you?”

“Well, the girl in high school probably did it on a dare,” he admitted and Jason gasped. “I wasn’t too upset,” he reassured him. “But I wasn’t very popular and we were doing a project together and we were at her house to work on it and nobody else was home, and she flirted with me and kissed me and stuff and when she said we should have sex, I was okay with it, because she was really pretty and I was a teenager who wanted to have sex,” he said, blushing a bit. “But then she didn’t talk to me ever again after we did our project at school. But she wasn’t mean to me and nobody else heard about it, I don’t think,” he said. “Maybe it wasn’t a dare, maybe she was just like me and was a teenager who wanted to have sex,” he said with a shrug. 

“But then the guy at the rink, he was a local college student and he still skates there sometimes when I’m there, and he talks to me in passing, but we were both changing and he caught me looking at his body, and he smiled at me and said something about how I could touch if I wanted,” he said, blushing even redder at the memory. “And I wanted to, but I told him I didn’t know how, because I was really nervous and kind of just said it, and he asked me if I wanted to come to his apartment and learn, and so I did.” He giggled bashfully. “It was nice, but he clearly had never been with someone who had never did it before. He was bad at explaining what he was trying to tell me how to do.”

Jason laughed. “Oh my God, I dated a guy like that. We only dated a little while and we only slept together a few times, and we probably broke up because of the sex, because he would want something but not know how to say it, and it just got really awkward. Sex was really weird with him.” Jason sighed. “That’s the only two guys I’ve dated, but my first boyfriend I was with for a year. We broke up because I was too busy training for the Olympics, and it was really hard to get over him, and I was really busy so I didn’t date anybody for a long time. Then the bad sex guy, I dated him last year actually,” he said. “We were together for about two months before I called it quits.” 

There was a companionable silence for a little while before Jason spoke again, his voice soft. “Is it okay if I ask something about Yuzuru?” Shoma bit his lip but nodded. “Is that why you two are clashing so much? Because you’ve never really had feelings for anybody before him?”

“Maybe,” Shoma admitted. “If he likes me, I doubt he’s got a lot of experience with liking people. As far as the gossip goes, the only person he’s ever even sort of dated is Javi, and they weren’t in love, so he might not really know how to have feelings any better than me,” he confessed quietly. “Part of me hopes that’s the case and we can sort it out, because I really like him,” he all but whispered. “But another part of me is scared that this reaction just proves we couldn’t date anyways. I can’t go out with someone who lashes out whenever he doesn’t get his way.”

“And nobody should,” Jason said softly. “If he lashes out again about you and me, he’s not worth the trouble, feelings or not.” Shoma nodded sadly. “But,” Jason said in a brighter tone. “If he starts to get better and acts like he cares for you, then we can ‘break up’ and you can go get your man,” he teased and Shoma grinned.

“You’re a great fake-boyfriend, already talking about me dumping you with happiness,” he said and Jason batted his eyelashes comically.

“Why thank you, Shoma-kun,” he said brightly, and the both of them dissolved into giggles at their own silliness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you guys I have so much stress over Yuzuru's injury by the time you read this you may already know but I NEED TO KNOW IF HE IS SKATING OR NOT AT NHK PLEASE TELL ME INTERNET! I MUST KNOOOWWW!

Javier knew Yuzuru wasn’t going to be happy with what he had to tell him, so he didn’t want to say it in front of others. He had heard from Raya, who heard it from somebody else, that Shoma had a boyfriend. Yuzuru had finally made up his mind that he would face his feelings for Shoma and talk to him next time they met, apologizing for all his behavior since Shoma wouldn’t answer his messages anymore after how Yuzuru treated him. Now that Shoma had a boyfriend, Yuzuru was going to be crushed. 

He decided to wait until the end of the competition, so he didn’t mess up Yuzuru’s competition. However, when he got to the locker room, Yuzuru was hanging with Dice and Nam and right as he walked in, Dice was saying to Nam, “Oh my God, did you hear who Jason Brown is dating?”

Nam gasped. “Oh my God, I did! Someone at my rink was at the American team’s Olympic photo shoot thing and said they over heard him on the phone.”

“Yes! That’s exactly how I know,” Dice said, looking at Yuzuru. “Can you believe it?”

Yuzuru frowned and Javier’s eyes widened, but there was no way to interrupt before Yuzuru asked, “Why do you think I would know?” he asked, Dice grinned.

“Well last I heard, you and Shoma were friends, right?”

Javier grimaced as Yuzuru’s eyes face went blank. “What?” he asked, voice even. 

“Yeah, he’s dating Shoma. Who ever saw that coming?”

Yuzuru kept his composure, thankfully, and just hummed. “Wow. I had no idea.” 

“I just heard,” Javier said and Yuzuru gave him a significant look. He smiled for the others. “Such a weird match, huh?”

“Well, after this summer, I guess I haven’t been the most observant friend when it comes to Shoma,” Yuzuru said with a little shrug. Javier sat down beside him and patted his knee comfortingly, even though they both had to pretend it was no big deal in front of all the others.

~

Yuzuru tried to picture Shoma with _Jason Brown_ and was very confused by the thought. They were so different. He liked Jason, everyone did, but he was far too outgoing and bright for someone so quiet like Shoma. Shoma was the type who wouldn’t call his partner for days, probably, and he was dating someone who probably sent a message every hour. It was crazy to think of how that could work.

“I figured you would be doing that.” Yuzuru looked up at Javier, who was standing in the doorway. 

“Do what?” he asked, and Javier walked over to sit beside him as he looked at his phone with Line open and Shoma’s contact pulled up. 

“You’re going to ask him, huh?” he asked, wrapping his arm around Yuzuru’s waist to tug him into his side. “See if it’s true.”

Yuzuru sighed and laid his head on Javier’s shoulder. “He won’t answer if I try,” he said softly. He bit his lip. “I really mess up, Jabi,” he said in a tight voice as a lump grew in his throat. Javier hugged him into his side.

“Oh, Yuzuru,” he sighed and Yuzuru turned his face into Javier’s shirt, just in case the lump in his throat turned into tears in his eyes. “I told you you shouldn’t try to force your feelings away, but I didn’t think you had no hope. I really thought that if he would give in and read your messages and listen to your apology, he might give you a chance. I thought he liked you.”

Yuzuru closed his eyes and whimpered. “I was mean to him and now he does not want me. I think he did but I was not ready to accept him, and now has boyfriend.”

Javier pressed a kiss to his temple and Yuzuru sniffled. “I know it sucks, but it’s okay. You will find in life that love is hard. I know you’ve never really had feelings before, but trust me. This won’t be the last time you get your heart broken.” He hesitated and Yuzuru heard the sadness in his voice when he continued. “Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

Yuzuru turned his head and rested his cheek on Javier’s shoulder. “You break up, didn’t you,” he said, and Javier chuckled weakly.

“Yeah. We did. I just didn’t want to tell anybody yet.” Yuzuru pulled back and looked at Javier with a frown.

“I am sorry. I know you wanted it to work. You were good together.”

Javier smiled sadly and nodded. “We were, and it was nobody’s fault,” he said simply. “Distance is just really hard to deal with, but even more with a child involved. I really wanted to be their family, but she needs a real father, not a man she sees every few months,” he said softly. “It’s what’s best for her. Miki and I knew it far longer than we wanted to face it. But it was time,” he said, nodding. 

Yuzuru sighed. “It is sad we do not love each other that way. We would be a good couple,” he said, and Javier smiled at him.

“We would, huh,” he said, tickling Yuzuru until he giggled. “Yeah, I guess love can’t come that easy.”

“I still want to make up with him,” Yuzuru said quietly. “I must make up for being a bad friend. Even if I lose my chance to be with him, I want to be friends. He is too important to just give up on being friends, too.”

Javier nodded and patted his back. “That’s the spirit. And who knows. Maybe one day, you’ll have another chance. Things happen.”

Yuzuru didn’t have the most hope for that, but he really did want to have Shoma as his friend again, no matter what.

~

There were enough press events before the grand prix season started with Shoma’s first event that he got enough suggestions to realize that someone on the American team had found out about him and Jason ‘dating’. His confirmation came at Japan Open when Javier and Nobunari kept glancing at him while they were all getting dressed in the locker room and then Nathan Chen heard them and said something out loud so that everybody – which was thankfully just the four of them at the moment, since the others were already gone – could hear. He was looking at Shoma, though Shoma hadn’t understood what he said as Nathan spoke really fast, so he looked at Nobu and raised an eyebrow. “What did he say?”

“He said, ‘I heard you got yourself a partner’.” Nobu wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ve heard rumors about this boyfriend. Is it true?”

Shoma blushed a little, even though he did want people to know he was dating Jason. “How you know?” he asked Nathan in what he hoped was good enough English. 

Nathan wiggled his cellphone. “Jason’s phone photo.”

Shoma grinned bashfully but nodded, grabbing his own phone. “Yes,” he said, turning on his phone screen to show his also had a photo of him and Jason on it. 

“Oh ho!” Nobunari said, walking over to snag it from Shoma and look at the picture. “So it really is true that you’re dating Jason Brown. I heard a rumor but I didn’t think it was true.” 

Shoma smiled. “We have known each other a long time. He has always been friendly even before he learned Japanese.” 

“Oh, so that explains it,” Nobu said, laughing. He turned to the others and said in English, “I didn’t know Jason speaks Japanese. That’s how they ended up together. Shoma won’t date any of the Japanese skaters, so he found an American one who speaks Japanese for him.”

Nathan laughed. “Yeah, Jason love Japan. He always has Japanese food in his bag everywhere the team goes.”

Shoma nodded, smiling. “We do same favorite snack,” he said brightly, because it was truly a cool thing to him, even if it was just because his friend shared favorites with him, not that his boyfriend was compatible with his appetite. 

Javier raised an eyebrow. “He do? How you end up him?” he asked in his own sketchy Japanese. Shoma always laughed when Javier spoke Japanese. He was worse than Shoma’s English, and his accent sounded even funnier. 

“We meet first junior for me,” he said, pointing to himself. “He always nice. Now we want try dating and I like,” he said as clearly as he could.

“Wow, I think your English is getting better. Is that from the American boyfriend, too?” Nobu teased, but Shoma just blushed because it was true. He asked Jason to practice with him. Jason wasn’t ashamed of his Japanese being bad sometimes so he didn’t feel so ashamed of his bad English. If they really had feelings for each other, Shoma was pretty sure Jason would be the perfect boyfriend. As it was, he was just a great friend. Shoma wondered sometimes why they hadn’t become friends like this before now.

Shoma didn’t talk around the rest of the skaters about his boyfriend, but if some of the girls spotted the photo on his phone and cooed over it when he unlocked it to check his notifications, he wasn’t going to deny it.

~

Yuzuru was hanging out with the girls, in their hotel room, since he was the only Japanese man competing at the opening grand prix event and the Japanese girls invited him to hang out with them and some other girls in one of their hotel rooms before any of the other men did, and he was distracted from talking to Wakaba about how to make his Beillman better by the rest of the girls, Sumire, Kaori, Evgenia, and Mirai, all cooing over something on Mirai’s phone. Mirai said something about ‘come look’ and all the girls besides Wakaba had leapt onto the bed and started cooing and squeaking.

“What is it? Is it cute? Oh my God, is it a puppy?” Yuzuru asked expectantly, following Wakaba over to hop onto the bed too, kneeling behind the other girls since he was smaller.

“No, better! Shoma when he was a little boy!” Kaori said, and Yuzuru smiled, leaning over, only to have his smile wane just a little when he saw it was a photo of Shoma and Jason as little boys. Going by the caption and the first photo being one of them stretching in a hallway now, Yuzuru assumed Shoma and Jason were hanging out early before Skate Canada the following weekend. Shoma always arrived early for events since he had bad jetlag so ense Jason would get there early to practice and spend time with him.

Evgenia spoke up in heavily accented English. “Oh my God, I can’t believe they posted a photo online. That’s so risky, isn’t it?”

Kaori frowned. “Wait, why?”

“You don’t know?” Evgenia said with wide eyes. “I thought everybody had heard by now. It’s as open of a secret as who all was dating who at ice shows this summer!” she gushed, looking positively gleeful.

Mirai smirked. “They’re a couple,” she said, and Kaori gasped.

“NO! Really?!” She looked at Yuzuru. “Yuzu-san, is it true?”

He nodded, forcing a smile. “I heard they got together at their first competition together, in Italy, but like you see in the photo, they’ve been friendly a long time.”

“Isn’t it so awesome?!” Evgenia gushed, bouncing a bit. “Two boys skaters dating!”

Yuzuru snorted, unable to stop himself. “Oh trust me, it is far from first time,” he said, and all the girls looked at him with wide eyes. He groaned. “Oh no, I know that look-“

“Who else is dating?” Mirai demanded, and the others backed her up.

“Nobody I know of _now_ -“

“But recently?”

“Any who are skating now?”

“Are any of the other boys here dating-“

Yuzuru rolled his eyes, speaking over them. “You watch too much anime!” he said loudly, and then giggled at the rolled eyes and offended huffs.

Mirai gave him a pointed look. “You know everybody knows how much like anime things were a few years ago,” she said and Yuzuru’s eyes widened. He always forgot Mirai was older than him whereas none of the other girls were in seniors back then.

“Eh?” Kaori asked, and Mirai smirked.

“Don’t you know about Yuzuru and-“

“AND WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT EVER AGAIN!” Yuzuru interrupted, ignoring the whines of dissatisfaction from the girls. “Go back to taking about Shoma-kun and Jason!” he said, and Wakaba sighed.

“It’s so sweet. Shoma is so shy and Jason is so happy.”

“I love Jason,” Evgenia said, sighing. “He’s so adorable! Like a big puppy.”

“I know, it so weird he is dating Shoma,” Mirai stressed. “But I heard Nathan say that Shoma is all adorably in love and blushes about it but wasn’t even shy about showing off his lock screen of the two of them on his phone.” She pretended to melt. “He says they love the same favorite foods!”

Every coo from the girls made Yuzuru’s stomach twist. It sounded like Jason really made Shoma happy. “How do they talk?” Sumire asked. “Shoma doesn’t speak English at all.”

Mirai waved a hand dismissively. “Jason speaks Japanese. He loves Japan. I think his parents met there or something. I’m amazed he’s not a bigger otaku than Evgenia,” she said and Evgenia rolled her eyes but giggled all the same. 

“It’s so lucky they have the same events two months in a row,” Wakaba offered. “It must be awesome to see your boyfriend twice like that.”

Mirai smirked. “I wonder if they’re sharing a hotel room,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows, and all the girls burst into giggles at the implication.

Yuzuru’s stomach twisted at the thought, because he knew it was most likely true. If Shoma got to see his new boyfriend and wouldn’t see him again probably for many months, since it wasn’t likely Jason would get into the final, of course he would be careful with the alone time they were granted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE SO MUCH HEARTBREAK OVER YUZURU BEING OUT OF NHK AND THE GRAND PRIX FINAL SO HERE HAVE A LONG CHAPTER WITH FEELS AT THE END!
> 
> ;_______________;

Shoma had never been more embarrassed in his whole life than when Mihoko-sensei gave him one of the keys to his room and told him she had already had the second sent to his boyfriend’s coach for when they got there, and that she better not find out they weren’t discrete. 

When Jason arrived, though, they immediately started catching up while demolishing half of Jason’s ‘emergency snacks’. Shoma was amazed how much junk food he kept in his luggage. Half his packed things was food. It was crazy that his coach let him, but Jason was as thin as ever so he guessed it just didn’t matter what he ate. They spent the whole afternoon, since they wouldn’t be allowed to go to the practice rink until the next morning, hanging out and eating and catching up. That night, Jason coaxed Shoma into coming out with him and his coach and choreographer. They knew the truth about their ‘relationship’, so Shoma felt fine about that. Jason had to do stuff with the rest of Team USA later on, but that first night could be him, his coach and choreographer, and Shoma.

His favorite thing about Jason was how silly he was. His coach, who asked him to call her Kori, was constantly taking his phone and filming him as he randomly decided it was time for a dance break. He tried to get Shoma to join in, but Shoma was too shy. However, a few times, he held the phone to film while his coach and choreographer joined in the dancing. Jason hugged him in thanks and Shoma was always amazed how casual Jason was with full-body hugs. It was no wonder nobody could dislike Jason. 

That night when they got back to the room they were sharing, Shoma checked messages while Jason was showering and after a reply to Keiji, Keiji called him. Shoma answered the video chat. “What are you calling me for, it has to be late,” he said, only to frown. “Or early?”

Keiji rolled his eyes. “You suck at time,” he said bluntly. “I’m bored and you were on. So what’s up?” he asked. “You got there so early I figured you would be training. Have you practiced yet?”

Shoma shook his head. “Tomorrow we can go to the training rink, but today I just hung out with Jason.” 

Keiji smirked. “Ooohhh hanging out with the boyfriend, eh?” He snickered. “I still can’t believe you’re dating him. He’s so different than you.” 

“Opposites attracted I guess,” Shoma dismissed. 

Keiji said something but Shoma was distracted when Jason came out of the bathroom with a towel on his head, scrubbing at his hair. “You can shower now,” he said, and Shoma blushed when Keiji stopped mid-sentence and gaped. “You okay?” Jason asked, seeing his frozen look, but he clearly heard for himself when Keiji burst out laughing so hard he was gonna hurt himself. 

“Oh my God is he in your room?!?” Keiji cackled. “You are so dirty, Shoma!” 

Jason came and flopped onto the second bed and dropped his towel, which only made Shoma forget his embarrassment and burst out laughing from shock at Jason’s hair. “Oh my God I have never seen your hair out of the ponytail!” he said, and Jason just smiled and rolled his eyes as he pushed his bushy, crazy mess of wet curls out of his face.

“You should see it dry if you think this is crazy,” Jason said simply.

“Keiji, you have to see this,” Shoma said, rolling off his bed to go sit beside Jason and get him in the cameras view. 

Jason squeaked and grabbed at the phone, “Shoma, no!” he cried, only to knock them both back onto the bed, making them giggle as they play-fought for the phone. Jason’s arms were longer but Shoma kept his grip and he eventually sighed and flopped against Shoma's shoulder, giving up. “Hi, Keiji,” he said when he saw him in the screen, not bothering to lift his head from the crook of Shoma’s neck.

Shoma made a face at the wet curls rubbing on him. “Ew, you’re getting me wet,” he complained, and Jason laughed.

“Good, it’s payback for teasing me,” he said, rubbing his wet hair harder into Shoma’s neck to make him squirm at the gross feeling.

Keiji smiled. “Awwww you two are adorable.” 

“Thanks, it’s awesome to hear that from one of Shoma’s friends,” Jason’s said so sincerely even Shoma almost believed him. Jason was a great fake boyfriend because he seemed so genuine all the time. 

“Also your Japanese is definitely better since you’ve been dating Shoma. Maybe you can do the same for his English,” Keiji suggested

“He is getting better,” Jason said, looking up at Shoma’s face. “He’s just shy and I don’t get embarrassed when I say things wrong.”

Shoma looked down at him and grinned. “You don’t get embarrassed at all I don’t think. I filmed you dancing on a busy street tonight and you didn’t even care people looked at you like you were crazy.”

Jason beamed. “Nope!” he said brightly. It honestly didn’t even feel weird to be basically snuggling with Jason, Shoma realized. Jason was such a physically affectionate person and Shoma was getting used to it fast. He’d seen Jason practically doing the exact same thing with his coach in the Kiss and Cry before, so he knew Jason didn’t mean anything by it, and Shoma was so shy it felt nice to not wonder what was and wasn’t okay. Jason was okay with everything. Shoma could only imagine what Jason would be like with a real boyfriend. He imagined he would probably be big on public affection. 

Shoma didn’t realize he and Jason had just been looking at each other for a moment without speaking until Keiji catcalled. “Alright, lovebirds, you better not start doing it while I’m watching.”

Jason frowned. “I don’t understand what you said,” he said, and Shoma snickered.

“He means having sex,” he said and Jason rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth.

“Don’t be so dirty, Keiji,” he said, then finally got up and disappeared from the phone camera range. Shoma sat up and watched him get his comb and a ponytail holder to go back to the bathroom and fix his hair since Shoma was on the phone with Keiji and wasn’t going to shower yet. 

Shoma made a face at his wet shirt as he went back to his own bed. “Ew, Jason.”

“So you really like him, huh?” Keiji asked and Shoma looked at him in confusion. Keiji smiled faintly. “I kind of thought he was a rebound because of Yuzuru, but you two seem really sweet.”

Shoma bit his lip. “I don’t magically feel nothing for Yuzuru,” he ‘confessed’. “But Jason is fun and he’s sweet and he’s good for me. He knows how I felt about Yuzuru,” he said, and Keiji looked surprised. “But we decided to give it a shot and so far it’s nice.” Shoma was better at lying when it was half-true. He liked hanging out with Jason, so it was nice. 

Keiji smirked suddenly. “Is that thing about westerners liking hickeys still true?” he asked and Shoma gave him a flat look.

“My thighs look like I was attacked by a vampire,” he said without inflection and Keiji barked out a laugh and went, ‘ewwwww’.

Shoma figured it served him right for asking dirty things like that.

~

Though they were ‘dating’, Shoma and Jason were each other’s competition after all, so when they started being allowed time on the rink to practice, there was no more goofing off, they both focused on their coaches and their training. However, during the practices, Shoma did notice when Jason landed a _perfect_ quad salchow. He looked around in confusion to make sure he hadn’t been the only one to see it and he saw Jason’s coach and choreographer both nodding eagerly over at the side of the rink.

After practice, Shoma met Jason after they had both changed and they went to get some food. “Hey, I thought you didn’t have any quads,” Shoma said as they walked side by side. “I saw you at practice. You did the sal and the toeloop,” he said, and Jason smiled but it didn’t meet his eyes.

“I can do them in practice, but never in competition,” he confessed and Shoma grimaced. It was one of the worst things for a skater to have to deal with. He knew that feeling when it came to the loop most of the time. He _could_ do it, but in a run-through, he almost always messed up. 

“Is that why you don’t do it in competition?” he asked. “You could probably still get the full rotation even if you fall. It’s worth the points,” Shoma mused. “Although, maybe don’t do that. I know how high you can score without quads and I want to win,” he joked and Jason laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“Surely your coach is like mine and stresses that a clean skate is more important than a sloppy one with more point attempts.”

Shoma nodded. “Yeah, true.” He scrunched his nose. “I don’t like listening sometimes,” he confessed and Jason grinned.

“Clean is all I really have. I lose component scores if I try to do jumps I know I can’t land. Also I don’t want to get injured again. I was doing well with the two quads I’ve got in practice before I got hurt twice in one year. I lost a lot of time training, and I’m not getting any younger,” Jason said, but Shoma could see the frustration in his eyes. “I want to make the Olympic team again, and if I get hurt, I can’t go this season, and when they come around again, I’ll probably be too old.”

Shoma nodded. “That makes sense,” he said, and then smiled at Jason. “Hey, you finished in the top 10 at Worlds without those quads, you can definitely make the Olympic team without them if the risk of injury is too high,” he comforted. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to not be able to do quads, but he also knew that Jason was _really good_ at everything else. Many people dismissed him, but Shoma and Yuzuru had talked before about how Jason was their top competition when it came to spins and footwork, not most of the other top skaters. Yuzuru really liked him. Shoma thought Jason was good, which was obvious since he was ranked in the top 10, but Yuzuru got really excited to see Jason’s performances. Shoma knew it was because Yuzuru wanted to be the best spinner and saw Jason as his top competition for that title. 

~

Shoma was proven right about Jason’s ability to do pretty well without his quads when he got _silver_ behind Shoma with no quads in his short and a fall on his only attempt in the long. When they were backstage, waiting for the medals ceremony, Shoma hugged Jason and beamed. “I told you you could do well!” he said and Jason positively squeaked in joy. Shoma knew how big a silver was for him, especially since the guy in third had multiple quads, including a quad _lutz_. Jason definitely deserved it, though. He was incredible. And the craziest part was that his long program was still far from perfect and he scored a very respectable score, meaning he could easily score even higher even if he didn’t get the quads. 

“Thank you,” Jason said, hugging Shoma tight, rocking back and forth. “You were really amazing, too! A gold for your first of the grand prix competition, I’m so happy for you.”

Shoma blushed and smiled. “Thanks.”

At the banquet, they didn’t spend much time together, because though the point was to have some of the other skaters know they were ‘dating’, they still couldn’t _actually_ be openly dating. It would be pretty bad for their careers if sponsors and judges found out they were dating. However, a few of the skaters he talked to had heard about them and congratulated him on being a ‘podium couple’, which made him smile. 

When they got back to their room, both tired and ready to sleep, Shoma changed and waited on his bed for Jason to be ready for bed. When Jason came back out, Shoma smiled. “You know, this is probably the most fun I’ve had at an event. Why didn’t we become friends like this sooner?” he asked, and Jason rolled his eyes and smiled.

“I don’t know, but awwww, thank you,” he said, and Shoma saw the mischief in his eyes seconds before Jason tackled him in a hug, making him squawk as he fell back against the bed under a pile of silly American. “You’re the best, Shoma-kun!”

Shoma giggled, and hugged Jason back. “Now I remember, you’re crazy!” he said, only to yelp when Jason poked him in the ribs and tickled him. He poked him back and they both started laughing as they basically started a tickle fight, rolling back and forth in Shoma’s bed. 

They only stopped because Shoma’s phone buzzed. They both stopped their tickle-fighting and looked over at the phone on the bedside table. Shoma wiggled his arm out from between them and reached but couldn’t reach it. Jason, who was still on top of him and closer, reached out and got it for him. “Thanks,” Shoma said, a little breathless as he answered the video call without seeing who it was, only to freeze when he saw whose face was on his screen. “H-hi,” he said, and Jason looked down at him with a quizzical look at how still he went.

Yuzuru smiled at him from his phone screen and Shoma was struck by the thought that Yuzuru’s smile still made his belly go tight. “Shoma-kun!” he said brightly. “I didn’t actually think you would answer, I know you have to be sleepy by now, you always are, but I just wanted to say congratulations! I’m very proud of you! You were amazing today.”

Shoma smiled nervously. “You were watching?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded eagerly.

“I’m still in Canada so a lot of us met at Brian’s house to watch the competition.” Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know why you always seem surprise to see your scores in the Kiss and Cry,” he giggled, and Shoma smiled awkwardly.

“I thought I did bad, of course I was surprised.” Jason rolled his eyes at him from behind the camera, still straddling Shoma since if he got off, it would interrupt the call. 

Yuzuru scoffed. “Seriously, you’re so crazy,” he said, then laughed that honking laugh Shoma always thought was obnoxious but in the most adorable way. God, Shoma was still just as crazy for that man as he ever had been. 

“Thank you, Yuzu-kun,” Shoma said with a small smile. “It means a lot that you called to congratulate me.” Jason pinched his side and he jumped, glaring up at him only to se Jason mouthing something he couldn’t understand. He raised an eyebrow, and Jason whispered instead.

“Tell him you’re sorry for ignoring him!” 

Shoma looked back at the screen and bit his lip. “I’m sorry for ignoring you for so long,” he said, and Yuzuru looked surprised. Jason did a little happy dance and Shoma lifted a knee to shake him and make him stop, but instead Jason wasn’t expecting it and yelped and fell over. 

“Oh my God!” he cried, falling onto the bed beside Shoma, who yelped and dodged an elbow. 

“Jason!” he complained, and Jason giggled.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but you knocked me over!” he said, rolling into Shoma’s side. 

“Oh, Jason.” They both froze and looked back at the phone, which was in Shoma’s hand still. Jason fixed an embarrassed smile on his face.

“Hi, Yuzu-kun. Sorry to interrupt! I was trying to stay quiet,” he said and Shoma had to appreciate how genuinely sorry he was at least.

Shoma looked at the screen and blushed at what he could only imagine Yuzuru was assuming from him and Jason both being slightly disheveled and red in Shoma’s bed. “Sorry to interrupt your… celebration,” Yuzuru said, smile tight around his eyes. Shoma’s stomach tightened. “Congratulations on your silver as well,” he said and Jason smiled.

“Thank you!” he said brightly, unable to not show gratitude even when they both knew what Yuzuru thought by ‘celebration’.

“Goodnight, Shoma,” Yuzuru said quietly and Shoma swallowed and nodded.

“Goodnight, Yuzuru.” 

When the call ended, Jason looked at Shoma and the way his lips were pressed in a line and silently opened his arms. Shoma rolled over and accepted his hug, crushing his face into Jason’s chest to just hang onto him while he slowly breathed, trying to settle the overwhelming feeling that call had given him. “He called me,” he whispered and Jason nodded silently, rubbing his back soothingly. “I haven’t spoken to him since we fought, not even messages, and he called me to congratulate me.”

“This is a good thing, Shoma,” Jason murmured against his hair. “He is reaching out even though you ignored him so long. It’s a peace offering. You guys can start talking again now.”

Shoma nodded and squeezed Jason tighter. “I thought maybe that after so long I might have less feelings.”

“Still there, huh?” Jason asked softly and Shoma crushed his eyes shut.

“When I saw his smile I stopped breathing,” he whispered and Jason just held him and hugged him tight, giving Shoma all the comfort he needed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sad for Yuzuru's hurt ankle and I'm so sad for poor Jason, too. The pressure really got to him at NHK.

Javier was very confused when he opened his door and found Yuzuru standing there. “Um, didn’t I just say goodbye to you an hour ago?” he asked, and Yuzuru just looked up with big, heartbroken eyes and he knew something must have happened. “Oh, Yuzuru,” he said, opening his arms knowingly.

Yuzuru whimpered as he threw himself into Javier’s chest, grabbing hold of him like he was going to fall apart and needed someone to hold him together. “I called Shoma.”

Javier walked him inside and settled on the couch with him, keeping an arm around his shoulders for comfort the whole time. “Did he ignore you again?”

Yuzuru shook his head quickly, eyes brimming with tears. “No, he answer me and we talked,” he said and Javier smiled encouragingly.

“That’s good,” he said brightly. “Was it a good conversation?”

Yuzuru bit his lip. “I am thinking things are well, and we talk about how happy for him I am and he was happy to see me, I think, but then-“ Yuzuru blushed a bit, though he still looked heartbroken. “He was in bed. With Jason,” he said, and Javier’s brain screeched to a halt.

“Why the hell would he answer his phone in _bed_ with his boyfriend?” he asked bluntly.

“They have shirts on,” Yuzuru muttered. “I think they do not want me to know Jason is there, because Shoma was on phone and Jason was not on the screen, but I hear whisper and Shoma knock him over by accident or something and Jason fell down beside him and they both have red faces and- and breathing kind of funny. Like maybe they were going to have sex but the call interrupted,” Yuzuru finished weakly. “Maybe that is why Shoma felt okay talking with me. He was distracted and happy because of Jason but the phone ringing interrupted so he just answer without thinking and he doesn’t care because boyfriend is still there waiting for call to finish.” He put his face in his hands and leaned forward. “They seem so happy, Javi,” he whimpered. “He is so nice to Shoma and they are cute together and maybe-“ He sniffled. “Maybe it better for him to have Jason anyhow.”

Javier smiled sadly and rubbed his knee. “They’ve barely been together for long, Yuzu. A relationship is always nice at the start. Maybe Jason is the right guy for him, or maybe they’ll realize it doesn’t work after they’re apart for more than just a month,” he pointed out. “Or maybe you will be able to return to being just friends without it hurting now that you think he’s good for Shoma.”

“I am happy for him,” Yuzuru whispered. “Shoma deserves someone sweet like Jason. And Jason makes him smile.” Javier’s heart ached for Yuzuru when he saw a tear slip down his cheek. “But it hurt so much,” he squeaked out and Javier pulled him into a hug, rocking him gently as he started to cry. Yuzuru wrapped his arms around Javier and held on as he cried. “I cannot stop thinking about how happy he is and wish he was happy because of _me_. I messed up so bad! If I had just been nice and not get so mean to him maybe he love me, not Jason, maybe it would not hurt so bad-“

“Don’t go into maybe’s, Yuzu,” he whispered, stroking his hair. “It will only hurt worse, and make you crazy.” He sighed, really feeling sad for his friend. “Heartbreak always hurts, but the first one is the worst, I promise. It won’t hurt like this forever.”

“But it still hurt now,” Yuzuru mumbled against his chest and Javier just stroked his hair soothingly. 

“I know, Yuzuru, I know.” 

~

After that one call, Shoma messaged Yuzuru a few times. It was weird and formal feeling, but it was still an attempt to rebuild their friendship. He hated how badly things had gone and since Yuzuru was ready to reach out, he was ready to do the same. He had to know if they had any chance of one day actually getting together. He had hope but he wasn’t sure still. Yuzuru didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Jason, so Shoma wasn’t sure if he was being annoying about it or if he was just trying to be nice by not mentioning it at all.

Shoma was anxious about Yuzuru and Jason being in the same place at NHK so he kept checking in with Jason multiple times to see if they had spoken at all. He was at home that week, so his brother had noticed him constantly looking at his phone and decided to mess with him, especially in front of their parents. “Hey Shoma, you got a girlfriend or something?” he teased, and Shoma nearly dropped his phone.

He glared across the table at Itsuki. “No. I’m just checking up on the competition,” he said, and his mother hummed.

“At the table?” she asked, giving him a suspicious look. “It can’t wait until you finish eating? I’ve never seen you play with your food like this.”

Shoma didn’t even realize he hadn’t been eating his food as much as pushing it around in his bowl. “I- it’s just-“

His phone buzzed again and his father looked at it curiously. “Why is Mihoko-sensei messaging you this time anyways? She does not usually interrupt you at home when you’ve finished training for the day.”

Before Shoma could make an excuse, Itsuki grabbed his phone and picked it up, only to go wide-eyed when he saw the lock screen. “Uh…” He looked at their parents and then at Shoma and laid the phone facedown to slide it across the table to him. “I think that’s just a notification or something.” Shoma was grateful for Itsuki for trying to keep his secret, but it was no use. 

Their mother narrowed her eyes at Itsuki’s reaction. “What are you hiding?” she asked, looking between her sons. “Is everything alright?”

Shoma bit his lip. “Yes, Mom. It’s nothing.” She raised an eyebrow and he grimaced because he knew he was a terrible liar. The phone buzzed again and he reached out for it but his mother intercepted it before he could. “Mom, no!” he cried in spite of knowing it would only make it worse.

The look on his mother’s face was one entirely still as she looked at the lock screen. He had never thought his parents might see his lock screen, so he had been so confident that only the right people would notice. He had direly miscalculated. She looked up from the phone to Shoma and just looked at him for the longest. He could _feel_ his face losing its color. He didn’t dare look away but the way she didn’t show _any_ reaction was scaring him. Finally she cleared her throat and looked back at the phone before holding the phone out to her husband. Shoma’s heart sank as he watched the phone pass to his father’s hand. He spared a glance at Itsuki, who looked absolutely horrified and guilty as he stared at his bowl. “Shoma.” Shoma turned back at the sound of his father’s voice and was frustrated even more when his father also showed absolutely no expression. “Son, is there something you want to tell us?” he asked carefully and Shoma could feel his throat tightening and his eyes watering. 

“I- I don’t know what you want me to say,” he admitted.

His father looked back at his phone. “I would ask if this photo is just a friendly one, but your reaction and the fact it is on your phone like this suggests… more.” He cleared his throat. “One does not usually put a photo with a friend as their screen photo.”

“Shoma, who is this man?” his mother asked, her voice finally showing a slight amount of emotion, though he still couldn’t tell if it was upset or just worried. “Is it the ‘Jason’ these message notifications are saying?” she asked, and he saw that he had multiple notifications from Line about Jason’s messages.

“I recognize him,” his father said. “He’s that American skater,” he said, and Shoma nodded mutely. “I didn’t realize you knew any Americans. Was he at the ice shows this summer?”

Shoma shook his head. “We have competed for many years. My first year in juniors and then again when I moved to seniors.”

His mother nodded. “And what’s this photo about?” she asked and he knew he couldn’t lie about the photo, or at least what it looked like.

“He- he’s my boyfriend,” he all but whispered.

“Boyfriend.” His father said the word as plainly as possible as if saying the day of the week. “So. That’s why we have never heard about a girlfriend. You don’t like them.”

Shoma shook his head. “I like both. I just- I just never dated anybody before now.”

“And how long has this been going on?” his mother asked, and he swallowed hard.

“Since September. We were both skating in Italy and we’ve been friendly for a long time, but we decided to try dating,” he said, repeating the lie he had been telling everyone for ages now.

His parents shared a look he couldn’t decipher and his mother turned back to him. “Are you… in love?” she asked, and his stomach twisted.

“I… like him?” he tried, biting his lip. “I don’t know, it’s been so short a time. He’s very nice and really sweet. I care for him,” he babbled. “I am happy when I am with him.”

“He makes you happy,” his father said and he nodded. “Okay,” he said simply and then turned back to his food.

Shoma’s heart started pounding and he looked at his mother, who smiled and handed his phone back. “He looks like a good boy,” she said, and grabbed her cup.

Shoma held his phone limply and looked at Itsuki, who looked just as astounded as him. Itsuki shrugged and Shoma’s breath finally came back to him as he let out the breath he was holding. He didn’t dare ask questions, he didn’t want to mess up the very light reaction he got, so when he sipped his drink and opened his phone and saw Jason’s reactions, he expected to be very relieved.

Instead, he choked on his tea and spluttered helplessly as he read the messages in a rush.

_YUZURU GOT INJURED IN PRACTICE AND I THINK IT IS BAD!_

“Holy shit!”

“Language!”

Shoma scrambled to his feet. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” he cried, rushing out of the room with his phone already at his ear. 

~

At registration, Jason spotted Yuzuru talking with the Canadians and immediately froze up a bit. He wasn’t sure how he would face Yuzuru knowing that he was dating the guy that was in love with Yuzuru. He wondered if Yuzuru really felt for Shoma what Shoma felt for him sometimes, and part of him wanted to know, but he was also somewhat afraid that, if Yuzuru was just messing around where Shoma was concerned, he would get upset. Shoma was such an amazing person and even if he wasn’t really his boyfriend, Jason felt kind of protective of how fragile his friend’s heart was. He wanted so badly for Yuzuru to see them together and handle it well and prove he deserved Shoma’s love, because Shoma deserved to be happy with someone who appreciated him. 

Jason tried to avoid Yuzuru as much as he could, but Mirai caught him in passing while she was talking with some of the others after all their coaches had gone to take their passes and such, including Yuzuru, and called his name. “Oh yeah! Jason, come here!” He smiled and walked over, trying not to show his anxiety about it. “Evgenia wanted to see your photo, the one on your phone,” she said more quietly, not to attract other people around them.

He grinned. “Oh, you heard, huh?” he asked, making sure none of the others around them were people he didn’t want to over hear such a thing.

“Yes, when we hang out with Yuzuru, we talk about your big news!” she gushed. 

Jason glanced at Yuzuru, who had a polite but clearly strained smile on his face. He hoped it was jealousy and not something else. “Okay, but be careful, nobody needs to overhear,” he said more quietly, holding his phone out to Evgenia. She squeaked when she saw the picture and Mirai cooed over her shoulder.

“You’re so cuuuuute!” 

He giggled. “Thanks, I think so, too,” he said, taking his phone back. The girls wandered off, presumably to go tell somebody else how cute he and Shoma where, leaving him with Yuzuru. He looked at Yuzuru and bit his lip. “So, about that thing you saw when you called Shoma,” he started and Yuzuru scrunched his nose.

“I do not need detail, thanks,” he said, though he smiled. “It was funny, though. Shoma get so red.”

“I know! We were both so embarrassed,” Jason said. “I promise, it’s not what it looked like, we were in the middle of a tickle-fight because he was being silly and we were both like ‘oh my God, Yuzuru totally thinks he called at the _wrong time_ , but it wasn’t.” He groaned. “Really, really sorry if you were totally weirded out.”

Yuzuru seemed somewhat relieved at that, which Jason took to confirm his jealousy suspicions. “It’s okay. I mean what I say, though. Very happy for you both with your medals,” he said, and Jason beamed.

“Shoma was so happy to hear from you,” he said softly. He bit his lip, not wanting to overstep, but wanting to help guide them in the right direction. “He’s talked some about you guys having some sort of fight this summer and he’s really missed you, I think. He hated that you guys weren’t talking, so when you called he seemed so much happier for the whole next day.”

Yuzuru looked torn. “I’m very happy to talk to him, too. It was… stupid,” he said with a firm nod of his head. “Stupid fight. Over me being bad friend. I want to be friend again, and I really am glad he has you,” he said, and Jason has not expected that at all. Yuzuru shrugged a little. “He needs someone to talk to and he is probably too ashamed to talk to other friends about the fight.” 

Jason beamed. “I’m really glad we both just want what’s best for him.” He clutched his hands to his chest. “Shoma’s the sweetest man and he’s too shy to really show how he feels sometimes. Your respect means so much to him.”

Yuzuru smiled an odd smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “He always has my respect. I just haven’t made that clear enough before now I think,” he said softly.

Jason could see exactly what he wanted to see in the sad eyes looking back at him: Yuzuru cared for Shoma the same way Shoma cared for him. Jason couldn’t wait to tell Shoma he definitely had a chance.

Before he got time to call Shoma, though, Yuzuru had a nasty fall in practice and Jason knew immediately it was going to be bad.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much Yuzuru here, and I kinda wanted to skip all the NHK stuff, but it really gives a reason for shoma's family to show support for him liking a boy, so I think this chapter is needed for character development?
> 
> Either way, much more Yuzuru in next chapter!!!

“He’s out of NHK and that means out of the final,” Jason said, and Shoma chewed on his fingernail. “A torn ligament or something like that. It’s bad. You should have seen him land. I’m amazed it’s just his ankle, not his knee, too.” Shoma had seen, he had seen photos all over the internet. It was unnerving, the way Yuzuru landed. Such a freak accident.

Shoma realized something, eyes widening. “Jason, you could win NHK.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Oh whatever, shut up.”

Shoma smiled wider. “No, I’m serious,” he said seriously. “Without Yuzuru, you could win _gold_ and go to the final!”

Jason smiled, unable to help himself. “Oh my God, don’t say that, I’ll freak out, I know it. I’ve heard a few people suggest it, but no. No way. I can’t win gold,” he said, shaking his head.

“Your only real competition from what I would guess is the other American guy,” Shoma said, thinking through who all was skating that weekend.

Jason made a face. “He’s beat me before, it’s not out of the question,” he dismissed. “Also there’s some of the I haven’t seen skate this season. And I don’t have any quads,” he reminded him and Shoma scoffed.

“Jason, you are the _only_ skater who doesn’t need a single quad to medal,” he argued. “You’re so good that _Yuzuru_ considers you his top competition in skating components and spins!”

Jason’s eyes widened. “Wait, really?” he asked, then blushed and smiled. “Oh my God, that’s so ridiculous-“

Shoma smiled at how bashful Jason looked. “It’s true. You’re amazing, Jason. And without Yuzuru there, I’ve seen twice this year what you’re capable of. I only beat you because I have so many quads. If the other skaters only have one quad in the short and two or three in the long, you could totally beat them on GOE and component scores easily.”

Jason was quiet for a moment, biting his lip before smiling shyly. “You really think so?” he asked and Shoma nodded, and he meant it. Jason was only hampered by his quads. Shoma knew that if Jason had just two solid quads, he could be top five. Without Yuzuru skating, NHK could be his. Jason squeaked and shook his head. “No, no, no, okay, I’m just going to focus on clean skating, not my chances of medaling.”

“I’m going to be watching and cheer for you at home with my family,” Shoma said brightly, only to gasp. “Oh my God, I didn’t even tell you! My parents found out about you and me and they barely reacted!” he said and Jason gasped.

“Oh my God, how did they find out? Are you okay?” he asked, and Shoma nodded, smiling.

“They saw my phone and knew we weren’t just friends and I was so panicked cause they didn’t react at all for the longest time, but then when they asked if we’re in love and I said I liked you but we hadn’t been together long, they just _smiled_ and said you looked like a nice boy,” Shoma gushed. “Maybe if I ever get a real boyfriend, they’ll be welcoming.”

Jason clapped excitedly. “I’m so happy for you! Oh my God, when you and Yuzuru end up together they’ll be soooo happy.”

Shoma sighed. “That’s if he ever wants me.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Trust me, Sho, he wants you. He definitely loves you. He was so jealous when I talked about us dating. He was trying to be nice but his eyes said ‘I’m so sad I messed up and the boy I love started dating you instead’.”

Shoma’s stomach twisted and he sighed. “I’m so sad he’s hurt. I hope he’s okay. I wish I could see him,” he said softly. “He has to be really scared.”

Jason smiled sadly. “You really love him, huh?” he asked, and Shoma blushed. “If you just wanted to sleep with him cause he’s cute, you wouldn’t want to comfort him so badly.”

“I don’t know,” Shoma murmured. “I’ve never been in love before. Is that what it feels like?” he asked, and Jason nodded with a warm look in his eyes.

“Definitely.”

~

Shoma blushed so much when Jason’s turn came up during the short competition, because his parents were sitting on the couch watching with him while he and Itsuki sat on the floor. Normally he didn’t watch figure skating with his family, often he didn’t watch at all, but since it was in his time zone, he decided to watch it and his parents wanted to see his ‘American boyfriend’ skating. 

“That hair is… something,” his father said, and that the beginning of a long time of blushing for Shoma. 

“His hair is too crazy to cut short,” Shoma explained as Jason skated to center ice. “I’ve only seen it out of his ponytail one time and it was poofy and everywhere.”

When the music started, Itsuki made a face. “What even is this?” he asked, and Shoma rolled his eyes.

“It’s a musical that’s really famous. He loves it, don’t be mean,” he said, though he didn’t really like Jason’s short music either. 

When Jason started, Shoma was so excited, because he really thought he was going to immediately take first, but his very first jump, his triple axel, was sloppy on the landing and he almost fell. Shoma’s heart sank. He knew Jason could recover, but that was his hardest jump so he needed the best points for it when there had been quads in several of the shorts before his. When he started his spins, his mother made a surprised sound. “Oh my, such beautiful spins,” she said, and Shoma nodded, eyes glued to the screen.

“He might be the best spinner in the field right now. Hanyu might be better, but I really don’t know if I could pick one,” he said, then smiled when Jason did his cool jump split thing that everybody loved so much. Shoma thought it was very awesome. 

Itsuki snickered. “So, he’s pretty flexible, huh, Shoma?” he teased and Shoma punched him without looking, smirking when his parents didn’t notice to yell at him. 

Jason’s jumps were okay until he popped one in the combo and Shoma cringed. Between the axel and a pop, Jason’s first place shot for the short was very unlikely. His step sequence, however, was incredible. “It’s ridiculous how good he is at that,” Shoma muttered more to himself than his family.

When Jason nearly kicked himself in the face with a high kick, his mother chuckled. “I bet he’s a lovely dancer with so much flexibility,” she commented and Shoma snickered, because she had no idea how much he loved dancing like a silly person. When he finished with a very strong spin, Shoma’s mother cooed. “Aww, look at that pretty smile. I can see why you like him, Shoma,” she said and he smiled.

“He’s very cute,” Shoma agreed. 

When the camera cut to Jason with his coach in the Kiss and Cry, Shoma’s smile widened when Jason held up a sign that said, ‘get well soon Yuzuru’. His mother and father both made amused sounds.

“Oh how sweet is he!” his mother gushed. “He can’t spell very well, but that’s so nice of him!”

Shoma laughed. “He must have asked someone how to write it, he only speaks Japanese,” he explained. “That’s very nice, though,” he agreed. Jason really was such a great guy. It was a shame, Shoma thought once again, that they weren’t actually in love. 

When Jason got his scores, Shoma and his family all groaned a little. “It is such a shame he messed up,” his father said. 

“He was probably nervous,” Shoma said, looking at the standings. “I didn’t expect the others to do so well and I really thought he could win this easily without Yuzuru there. But who knows,” he said, nodding to himself. “He’s less than five points behind first place. Maybe in the free he can make up the ground,” he said, though he was less confident in his expectations than he had been. 

~

When Jason fell on his axel in the long, Shoma’s heart _sank_. He knew it wasn’t going to end well for him now. His family was watching again and they kept making sympathetic noises every time he messed up. Shoma could see how badly he wanted it in how he fought _so hard_. Adding triple-triples and fighting for every point was proof of that, but he knew at the end of it that Jason knew it hadn’t been enough to get him on the podium.

Shoma knew beforehand that Jason had a smile for every feeling, but it was painful to see his friend smiling while tears shimmered in his eyes. Jason was going to cry and Shoma was going to cry if he cried because Jason was such a happy person and he was probably Shoma’s best friend at this point. Still, when his score was announced and he finished in fourth place, Shoma had to feel proud.

“You know, to have messed up so much and still finished fourth is really still kind of awesome,” Itsuki said, and his parents both hummed.

“That poor boy. He skates so beautiful,” his mother sighed. “He tried so hard and was still so beautiful even when he was panicking.”

“It really wasn’t his day,” his father said and Shoma nodded.

“I really thought he was going to win the gold this weekend without Hanyu there,” he confessed. “He’s a top ten skater without any quads, those other guys wouldn’t have had a chance if he skated the short and long both well.”

“Awww, it’s cute how sad you are for your boyfriend,” Itsuki teased. “He is a good skater, though. I like watching it and I’m normally bored by these other guys,” he said. “You’re pretty good, and some of the other Japanese skaters are good, but most of the westerners are boring. He’s fun to watch at least.”

Shoma rolled his eyes at Itsuki. “How are you my brother?” he asked, only to yelp when Itsuki shoved him over and their mother yelled at them for fighting in the living room. 

~

When Shoma talked to Jason later that night, it was obvious he had been crying. Shoma’s heart broke for how red his eyes were. “My mom is half in love with you,” he opened with, just to make Jason smile a real smile for him. “She’s going to be really sad when we ‘break up’ I think.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet of her,” Jason said, and then sighed. “I really thought I could do it,” he confessed softly.

“I know you can, it just wasn’t your weekend,” Shoma said. Deep down he worried that it was his fault. He was far from the only one to say it, but he’d told Jason he was so sure he would win it easily, and he worried that all the pressure of other people’s expectations had just freaked Jason out. Shoma knew what that was like. “Was it all of us telling you you would win?” he asked, and Jason shrugged.

“Maybe? It could’ve also been Yuzuru getting hurt.” He grimaced. “I was scared to try the quad because I thought about falling badly like he did and getting injured again. I lost so much progress to injuries the last two years.” He sighed. “It doesn’t help that I heard people saying that if I didn’t get to the final, it’s likely I won’t be on the Olympic team. Sports commentators and stuff,” he added. “They think it’s between me and Adam and Adam finished ahead of me in the short and I got scared,” he admitted. “I really want to go to the Olympics again, Shoma,” he said in a small voice that hurt Shoma to hear.

“America has the same thing we do, don’t they? Where they pick who goes, not just who qualifies? It’s the way Yuzuru went to Worlds last year even though he missed nationals because he had the flu,” he added. “They would be crazy to not send you. You’ve got so many fans all over the world, and you’re a top ten skater!”

“Only because they sent me to worlds and four continents even though the spot really belonged to Vincent,” Jason countered. “He wasn’t in seniors yet last year so they gave me the spot even though I was third at nationals, Shoma,” he said and Shoma cringed. He hadn’t known that. 

“He didn’t even do well at his first grand prix,” Shoma tried to comfort him. “You got silver at your first challenger cup event and your first grand prix, and fourth at NHK isn’t bad,” he added. “It might not get you to the final, but Javier Fernandez finished _seventh_ when he had an off day, so you did really amazing for having a bad skate.”

Jason smiled sadly. “I’m sad I won’t see you at the final. I was excited to make Yuzuru jealous for you, but with both of us not there, I guess it’s just you winning it all to make Yuzuru jealous.” He brightened. “Speaking of, have you called him yet? You should totally call him and comfort him!”

Shoma blushed. “He’s injured, I doubt he wants to talk to other skaters right now-“

“Everybody hurt wants sympathy from the boy they love,” Jason argued. “You should call him and cheer him up, because I’m sure he’s just as upset about NHK and the final as I am, and even more since he has to be scared about getting better.” Jason clapped his hands together. “Call him, call him, call him!” he urged. 

Shoma rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright, I’ll call him.”

“But wait, go comb your hair first, your waves are twisting,” Jason said in a rush. “And change that shirt, it hides how sexy and broad your shoulders are for your size! Or just take it off altogether-“

“OKAY I’m calling him, not sending dirty photos!” Shoma interrupted, blushing. 

Jason wiggled his eyebrows. “Hey, he’s down, he might enjoy some Skype Sex with the man he has feelings for-“

“I’m hanging up now, bye you dirty guy,” Shoma squawked, hanging up on Jason just like he said he would. He would have to wait until his cheeks stopped being red before he could call Yuzuru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Side note: I also really was thinking Jason would at least get silver at NHK. He is not a favorite like Yuzuru or Shoma or Javier or some others, but he is my favorite American man and he really is best skater of them, just not as much quads, which makes me sad. I like him way better than Nathan, ALTHOUGH this year Nathan short is good. Still think he skates long like he doesn't care, like both his programs last year, but it is improvement at least!.... Shoma and Yuzuru and Boyang are still top 3 best skaters for me, though, besides Javi, obviously, I am Spanish, I cannot skip love for Javi <3)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (DID YOU GUYS SEE HOW WELL JAVI DID IN THE SP AT FRANCE YESTERDAY??? OMG MY SPANISH HEART BE STILL!)
> 
> This chapter has something I feel you will not expect at all and a bit of angst cause of misunderstandings, BECAUSE THESE BOYS ARE SO BAD AT COMMUNICATION!
> 
> Enjoy!

Yuzuru was absolutely miserable, but the moment Shoma’s face came on his screen, suddenly he didn’t feel so terrible. “Shoma,” he sighed, and Shoma’s eyes widened.

“Are your eyes red?” he asked, and Yuzuru ducked his eyes. “Oh, Yuzuru,” Shoma sighed. “Are you crying?”

Yuzuru sighed and lifted his head. “Of course I am,” he said, and Shoma pouted. He winced as he shifted and his ankle smarted. “I’m out of the final and- and I’m injured.”

Shoma’s eyes softened. “I’m so sorry. Jason said it looked so painful.”

Yuzuru’s chest clenched. “It was,” he said, then bit his lip. “Tell Jason I saw his little sign. It was sweet of him.”

Shoma smiled. “He is very nice, huh?” He grimaced. “It sucks he did badly. I really thought he could win without you there.”

“He probably could have if he didn’t mess up,” Yuzuru said a little too bluntly. He grimaced when he saw Shoma’s eyes dim. “I didn’t mean that that way-“

“No, it’s okay.” 

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not,” he said sadly. “I’m sorry. I like Jason, I do, I just-“ He hesitated and bit his lip. “I got hurt and he didn’t so I’m jealous.”

Shoma smiled sadly. “Did you at least get to go home?” he asked and Yuzuru shook his head.

“They are scared I might injure myself worse going through airport security and all those people, because I am on crutches, but I will be going home in three days. The doctor just says it would be best to let my ankle get stronger and stabilize more first.”

“How bad is it?” Shoma asked, and Yuzuru hesitated. He was still competition and he wasn’t sure he should tell him the extent of his injury. “That bad?” Shoma asked worriedly.

“It’s not as bad as it could be, but I can’t put any weight on it for over a week,” Yuzuru said softly.

Shoma hummed. “So you’re just staying at the hotel?” he asked, and Yuzuru nodded. “You know, I was going to come visit Jason since his family is staying in Osaka for another few days. Maybe I could stop by and see you?” he asked quietly. Yuzuru’s stomach twisted as he saw the smile in Shoma’s eyes. “I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said softly. “Not since we fought.”

Yuzuru’s chest eased and he nodded. “If you’re in town, it’s okay.” He smiled. “I’d like to see you again."

Shoma giggled. “Okay, then,” he said brightly. “I’ll call you if I get some time.”

~

Jason spotted Shoma and squeaked, rushing to hug him. “Hey!” he greeted, spinning him around. Shoma giggled, hugging him back.

“I really hope the people behind you in the hall are your family,” Shoma said and Jason smiled. 

“Yep!” he said, tugging Shoma towards where his family was waiting. “Guys, this is Shoma!” he said, and Shoma smiled uneasily. He was getting better at English thanks to Jason, so he understood what he was saying. “My fake boyfriend,” he said, giggling.

Shoma assumed the woman who walked closer was Jason’s mom and he was greeted with a surprise hug. “Awww, you’re a cute thing. Sucks you aren’t his real boyfriend, he never likes cute boys.”

“Moooom!” Jason whined, elbow hooked with Shoma’s. “You’re terrible.”

Shoma just smiled and looked at Jason. “I like her,” he said, and Jason rolled his eyes.

“Of course you do,” he said before introducing them all to Shoma. 

~

Shoma really liked Jason’s family, but they were a lot. When he finally said goodbye to them, Jason hugged him and whispered. “Go see him!” in his ear before winking and waving as they left. 

He spent half a day trying not to freak out before actually going to the hotel Yuzuru told him he was stuck in until he could walk. When he actually got there, he picked up the card Yuzuru had left for him at the desk since Yuzuru couldn’t get up and answer the door himself. When he finally did get to the door he sucked in a breath. He hadn’t seen Yuzuru since their argument, but they had been messaging nicely lately. He really hoped it all went well. 

When he let himself in after a light knock, he found Yuzuru sitting on the bed with his phone in his hand. When he looked up at Shoma he smiled and Shoma’s breath caught in his throat. He had forgot how beautiful Yuzuru was in person. “Hi,” he said softly, and Yuzuru tilted his head back against the headboard.

“Hi, Shoma-kun.”

Shoma approached the bed and hesitated, looking at Yuzuru’s ankle in the brace. “Is it bad?” he asked and Yuzuru shook his head.

“I’ll be okay,” he said, patting the other side of the bed. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, and Shoma circled the bed and crawled to sit beside him. 

They caught up for a while, gradually getting closer together until Shoma had Yuzuru’s head resting on his shoulder, the two of them giggling about a photo of Keiji pretending to be dead on the floor at his training rink on Shoma’s phone. When Yuzuru looked up at him, Shoma smiled. “Why did we fight at all? It was stupid,” he said, and Yuzuru nodded sadly. 

“I got jealous,” Yuzuru admitted and Shoma raised an eyebrow.

“Jealous? Of what?”

“That guy you danced with,” Yuzuru said with a look of brutal honesty in his eyes. Shoma felt like he’d taken a bad fall on the ice and couldn’t get breath into his lungs. He wanted for so long to have confirmation that Yuzuru had feelings for him, but he never thought he would actually say it out loud. Yuzuru nodded, looking sheepish. “I just-“ He hesitated. “I have never had…” He patted at his chest, clearly trying to find the words to say what he wanted to say. “Feelings.” Shoma’s throat went dry and Yuzuru sighed. “I know you don’t feel the same, and I am not trying to flirt, I just- I need to explain,” he said, and Shoma’s insides filled with warmth. “I get jealous of other people who see the real you when I want to be the one who sees you for how special you are,” he said softly. He looked at Shoma, eyes wide and full of regret. “You’re _so_ special, Shoma.”

Shoma’s chest tightened and he couldn’t help himself as he leaned in and closed the gap between his and Yuzuru’s mouths. Yuzuru made a soft sound against his lips, but did something far more important: he kissed him back. 

~

Yuzuru wasn’t sure what he expected when Shoma visited him, but this, Shoma’s lips caressing his and his hand curling around Shoma’s neck to pull him closer, was definitely not it. Shoma tasted like winter, like the ice they both skated on, and Yuzuru couldn’t get enough of it. Every soft sound Shoma made as Yuzuru’s fingers brushed the soft waves behind his ear was so beautiful Yuzuru couldn’t help but want to find what other noises he would make. Shoma seemed to have similar feelings, because Yuzuru sucked in a breath at the feeling of cold fingertips sliding up under his shirt.

“Sorry,” Shoma whispered into the kiss, eyes still shut. “My hands are always scold.”

Yuzuru sighed as Shoma’s lips strayed from his mouth to his cheek and then his jaw before he started kissing his neck. “Shoma,” he sighed, cheeks heating – among other things – as Shoma kissed his neck and caressed his stomach. Shoma’s hand slid higher, palm warming as it smoothed against his skin. Every touch was electric. He tugged at Shoma’s hair, making him stop kissing his neck and look at him with wide, curious eyes, only for Yuzuru to kiss him again. He had to. Shoma was driving him crazy. He tried to turn and curl his arms around Shoma’s middle, but when he twisted his ankle gave a twinge of pain and he hissed. “Ow,” he whimpered, and Shoma gave him a concerned look. Yuzuru bit his lip. “I can’t- I can’t move much or it hurts.” He hid his embarrassment by kissing Shoma again, using the hand in Shoma’s hair to pull him closer instead of him moving closer to Shoma. 

“Yuzu,” Shoma breathed against his lips, eyes sliding shut again. Yuzuru’s tongue caressed Shoma’s and Shoma whimpered. He moaned and slid his hand from Yuzuru’s chest down to the edge of his pants. Yuzuru stilled and Shoma pulled away a centimeter, eyes opening halfway to watch Yuzuru’s face as he edged his fingers under Yuzuru’s waistband and his fingertips sliding down to Yuzuru’s crotch. Yuzuru’s breath caught in his throat and he stared into Shoma’s eyes as Shoma curled his fingers around Yuzuru’s rapidly-hardening length. “Okay?” Shoma whispered and Yuzuru didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded. Shoma kissed him again and Yuzuru groaned softly as Shoma stroked him to full erection, teasing more than anything. Shoma pulled away and looked at him, making Yuzuru frown.

“Sho?” he breathed against his lips, eyebrows crinkling in confusion over why he pulled away.

Shoma kissed his lips chastely as he pulled him out of his pants, pushing his pajamas down his hips some. “You can’t move much, so let me take care of you,” he murmured and Yuzuru bit his lip but nodded. His eyes widened when Shoma kissed his jaw and then his chin. “I hate seeing you hurt, I want to make you feel good instead,” he said softly and Yuzuru watched him curiously, expecting another kiss to the neck. His eyes widened as Shoma turned his body and ducked down to replace the hand on Yuzuru’s length with his mouth. 

“Ahh,” Yuzuru groaned in surprise, eyes rolling back in pleasure. He put a hand on Shoma’s shoulder, fingers sliding into Shoma’s hair. He didn’t push or pull, he just scraped his nails lightly against Shoma’s scalp, which made him moan around Yuzuru. Yuzuru gasped as the vibrations sent pleasure through his entire body. It took everything in him for Yuzuru not to move his elevated ankle, fearful of hurting it, when all he wanted to do was squirm from the intensity of Shoma’s head bobbing up and down in his lap. 

Yuzuru hadn’t been touched in so long. He hadn’t had sex since he and Javier were hooking up, and that had been years ago by now. Shoma’s attentions made him feel shaky and overwhelmed with pleasure. He knew he wasn’t going to last long at all. He stroked Shoma’s hair and fisted the other hand in the sheets. “Shoma, Shoma, I’m gonna come,” he warned, panting as he felt himself approaching the edge of orgasm. Shoma moaned and took him in deeper, which was as clear a response as Yuzuru was going to get, though far from the one he expected. He could see that Shoma’s free hand was pressed against the front of his own pants, obviously a minor relief from his own arousal while he focused on Yuzuru. Knowing Shoma was so turned on by this only made Yuzuru even hotter all over. “Oh shit, _Shoma_ ,” he moaned, crying out sharply as Shoma sucked him _hard_ and pushed him over the top.

Yuzuru whined through his orgasm, gasping when Shoma pulled off with a cough, stroking Yuzuru through his orgasm until he caught Shoma’s wrist, too sensitive for him to keep touching. Shoma leaned his head against Yuzuru’s chest, catching his breath, and Yuzuru twisted his hand, sliding his fingers into Shoma’s, stroking his thumb against Shoma’s knuckles. Yuzuru’s heart skipped a beat when Shoma squeezed his hand back. “Yuzuru,” he whispered, voice a little hoarse. He lifted his head and looked at Yuzuru, who was still panting. Shoma gave a small, teasing smiles, one that made Yuzuru’s lingering arousal spike because his lips were still shiny and wet with saliva and a bit of Yuzuru’s release. “You’re terrible at breathing,” he teased, and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, grumbling in mock-annoyance.

“Shut up,” he muttered as he leaned in and caught Shoma’s lips in a kiss. Shoma smiled against his lips and tucked Yuzuru back into his pants before taking his hand again, tangling their fingers loosely as they kissed. Yuzuru reached out with his free hand and touched the front of Shoma’s jeans. Shoma made a surprised sound against his lips, but Yuzuru didn’t let him pull out of the kiss, following him when he started to back up. Shoma leaned into the kiss, breath deepening as Yuzuru’s touch went from stroking his lower abdomen to undoing his jeans. When he tugged Shoma’s pants out of the way and got his hand on him, Shoma whimpered against his lips, but didn’t pull away. 

Yuzuru held Shoma’s hand with his left hand and stroked his length with his right, kissing him the entire time he pleasured him. When Shoma came, it was with a gasped grunt against his lips and a tightening of the hold on his hand while he spilled across Yuzuru’s knuckles. As he relaxed, Yuzuru smiled, their foreheads leaned together as Shoma caught his breath. “Now who sucks at breathing?” he asked and Shoma giggled softly against his cheek.

Shoma pulled away far enough to look into his eyes, and Yuzuru’s heart skipped a beat. Shoma looked so beautiful when he was happy. Yuzuru wished he could see Shoma smile like this always. “I wish you were mine,” he whispered, only to freeze.

Shoma stiffened at Yuzuru’s words and Yuzuru immediately felt sick. Shoma saw his face and he bit his lip with guilty eyes. “Yuzuru, wait-“

“Oh my God,” Yuzuru breathed, turning his head away. He wished Shoma was his because Shoma was _someone else’s_. He pulled his hand out of Shoma’s, and Shoma made a soft sound.

“No, Yuzuru-“

“How did I forget? How could I-“ Yuzuru looked at his other hand, still sticky with Shoma’s release, and he felt sick. He turned away from Shoma, shoving him lightly with his elbow. “Please get away from me,” he said, but Shoma made a noise of pain.

“Listen to me, Yuzuru, I-“

Yuzuru’s throat tightened and his eyes burned. “I want you to go, Shoma,” he mumbled. “This was wrong. I can’t believe you- you let me forget about Jason-“

“I’m trying to tell you it doesn’t matter-“

“How can you say that?!” Yuzuru gasped, reaching over to the bedside table to get a tissue and wipe his hands clean. “Go, Shoma.”

“Yuzuru, Jason-“

“Jason deserves better than this,” Yuzuru snapped, tears spilling as he turned back to Shoma. “Just get out.”

Shoma looked like Yuzuru had struck him, which only made it hurt worse. “But Yuzuru, it’s not a big deal, I-“

“Please leave,” Yuzuru whimpered, sniffling. “Please, just go Shoma. Please.”

Shoma looked pained but ducked his head and did what he said. He stopped at the doorway and Yuzuru saw his shoulders shake with repressed tears. “Jason won’t care, Yuzuru, it’s-“ he said, but Yuzuru didn’t want to hear it. 

“I care,” he said firmly, and Shoma fell silent and left without looking back. 

The second he was gone and the door shut again, Yuzuru gave up holding back the sobs that wanted to escape him and he fell back against the pillows, burying his face in his arms as the tears fell freely.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter one this time, but more will come soon I hope!

Javier wasn’t expecting Yuzuru to call him, especially when he was about to start training, so he answered it, worried he might need something. However, when he saw Yuzuru’s teary face on the screen, he paled. He left the locker room and went into a toilet stall, shutting the door. “What’s wrong?” he asked, watching as Yuzuru cried inconsolably.

“Javi, I do everything wrong and bad!” he sobbed. “I mess up, I mess up so bad.”

Javier’s heart sank. “Did you hurt yourself worse? Oh no,” he breathed but Yuzuru just shook his head, tears tumbling down his cheeks.

“Who care about injury!” he wheezed and Javier jolted in surprise. “I am still in Osaka to heal some before try airport stuff, and Shoma come visit boyfriend, who is still here on trip, and he come see me, but- but we start talking and hang out and nothing is bad and we-“ Yuzuru choked off a sob. “He kiss me.”

Javier raised an eyebrow. “He kissed you? He was visiting his boyfriend, but he kissed you?”

“And more,” Yuzuru whispered, tears tumbling down his face. “I forget! We spend so much time just talking and I forget about Jason and it so stupid of me and he- we have sex!” he sobbed. “Javi, I know he has boyfriend, how I forget? How he make me forget it is bad and wrong?” Yuzuru put his hands over his face. “I feel guilt. So much guilt. And Shoma! How can he do this? Man I love is not the kind to- to cheat on nice boyfriend!” 

Javier groaned. “Yuzuru, Yuzuru, just calm down and breathe. You’re going to send yourself into an asthma attack,” he warned. “Just breathe and calm down.”

Yuzuru whimpered. “How I be calm when love make me do stupid thing? I am terrible person!”

Javier sighed. “You’re not a terrible person, Yuzuru. Shoma shouldn’t have kissed you. Yes, it’s wrong that you got so caught up your forgot that he had a boyfriend, but you still aren’t entirely to blame. Shoma surely didn’t forget about his boyfriend. He chose to do what he did even knowing about Jason.”

“But why?” Yuzuru whispered. “He’s not that kind of person.”

Javier grimaced. “He must be, Yuzuru.”

Yuzuru whimpered. “But he is sweet. How can he? Whole time he is sweet to me. He was being romantic sweet-” Yuzuru froze and blushed and Javier raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

 

Yuzuru sniffled and awkwardly fidgeted. “He- He tell me that he hate seeing me hurt and want to make me feel good and then he… you know,” he whispered, cheeks burning red.

Javier’s eyes widened. “He _what_?!” he asked, imagining _Shoma_ pulling that kind of a move. “Wow, that’s like something straight out of porn. Gross,” he said, and Yuzuru glared slightly. “Not you, just _Shoma_ doing a ‘sexy nurse’ porn,” he said, cringing at the idea. 

Yuzuru whimpered. “I hate this. I hurt him and I think he will never love me, then he gets boyfriend and it hurts, but then he comes to visit me when I get hurt and we talk and make up and I get these hopes that he love me back. Now I don’t know if I would date if he did want me,” he mumbled. “I know he do bad thing with me when Jason is good boyfriend. What if he would do same thing if we did date?”

Javier felt so bad for Yuzuru. He looked heartbroken and full of guilt. “Oh Yuzuru,” he sighed and Yuzuru closed his eyes, more tears leaking free. 

“This is worst week I have in so, so long, Javi,” he mumbled, and then started crying again. 

Javier smiled sadly. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Yuzuru. It sucks, but it’s going to be okay.” 

It took a bit longer to calm Yuzuru down, but when he did get him calm and came out of the toilet stall, he found himself face to face with Brian. He fixed a panicked smile on his face. “I know, I’m late, I just had to use the bathroom,” he said, and Brian crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Javier’s smile slid off his face. “You’ve been here a lot longer than I fear, haven’t you?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You’re letting Yuzuru’s injury interrupt your training, Javi. I know you’re friends, but you can’t let him interrupt your training.”

Javier sighed in relief. “Yeah, I know, Brian. He’s just injured-“

“And as for any other drama going on with the Japanese team, please keep yourself out of it,” Brian said and Javier blushed. “I’m not as blind as you guys think I am. I know what was going on a couple years ago, and it better not start happening again,” he said pointedly and Javier’s eyes widened.

“No, no, no, no, that’s not even- no way,” he said, shaking his head. “This is entirely not about me, I’m just being a supportive friend, that’s never happening again between us, he’s in love with someone and it’s just complicated, I’m not at all involved-“

Brian waved a hand. “I really don’t need details, at all,” he said tightly. “Just you focus on your training. We don’t need a repeat of what happened in China.”

Javier flinched, because that smarted, but still, it was true enough. “Okay, Brian. I’m ready to focus now.”

“Good,” Brian said then turned and led the way out. “You’re doing extra practice on footwork for being late.” Javier chuckled dryly, cringing.

“Honestly, I probably need it,” he admitted, earning a snort of amusement from Brian as they went to the rink to get started.

~

Shoma couldn’t talk to Jason since he and his family were on a plane, flying eighteen hours back to Colorado. He wasn’t getting on the train for another hour, so he was stuck sitting in a coffee shop trying to not cry. When his phone began to ring and he saw it was Keiji, he almost didn’t answer, but he knew Keiji knew he wasn’t in training today so he would think something was up. “Hi, Keiji,” he answered, and Keiji looked at him curiously.

“What’s with that face?” he asked, and Shoma tried to smile.

“What face?” he asked, and Keiji gave him a flat look.

“Shoma,” he said, and Shoma sighed, ducking behind his bangs.

“I did something I shouldn’t have done,” he mumbled. “At least not without talking about it first.”

Keiji hummed. “Oh? And what’s that?”

Shoma looked around, making sure nobody was there. There was nobody else near his corner of the shop and he sighed. “I, uh…” He sighed. “Jason isn’t really my boyfriend,” he confessed. “We’ve been faking to- to see if _he_ got jealous and reacted in a way that wasn’t cruel like he did this summer.”

His eyes widened. “Whoa, really?” he asked. “I really bought it,” he said, and Shoma nodded.

“We’ve been faking, and he’s been behaving so well, treating us both nice and pretending he doesn’t want me, but Jason convinced me he does, and when he said I could come visit him while I was here visiting Jason and his family, I decided to go,” he said, biting his lip. “And he- he confessed. He said he was happy someone else noticed how special I am and how he regretted his stupid actions that he only made because he doesn’t know how to handle feelings.”

Keiji whistled. “Whoa. That’s crazy.”

Shoma blushed. “So I had sex with him,” he added and Keiji nearly fell over he startled so hard.

“Whoa! Shoma, you don’t have any in between, it’s either on or off, isn’t it?” he asked, shaking his head. “Well, congrats on the sex? Especially since you haven’t been getting laid by your American boy like I thought you were,” he added.

Shoma bit his lip, ducking his eyes as his throat tightened. “Afterwards, he remembered I have a boyfriend and he got angry at me for making him a cheater. He wouldn’t let me talk to explain, he just started crying and made me leave.” Shoma whimpered. “Keiji, he’s going to hate me now. He won’t talk to me and now he won’t want to be with me anyways because he thinks I am the type to cheat.”

“Man, Sho,” Keiji sighed. “That’s pretty shitty,” he said, and Shoma nodded. “You’ve got to stop thinking with your dick,” he said, and Shoma gaped. “Honestly, if you had just confessed instead of decided to fuck him, none of this would’ve happened.”

Shoma whined, flopping over the table. “He just looked so sad and in pain and everybody likes a blowjob!” he defended, earning an eyeroll from Keiji.

“I know you don’t actually get around like he probably thinks, but you don’t do yourself any favors visiting a guy you like just to suck his dick,” he said bluntly and Shoma flushed and let his head smack into the table.

“Nooooooo,” he whined pitifully. 

~

“Oh em gee, you terrible cheater,” Jason teased, giggling when Shoma glared at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know it’s not funny, but… it kinda is,” he said with a guilty smile.

Shoma sighed. “I just wish he had listened and let me explain-“

“Sho, you probably should’ve talked before you put your hand down his pants,” Jason said simply and Shoma pouted.

“I know,” he sighed. “I just-“ He blushed, his insides warming even as his heart broke a little bit more. “He said I’m special,” he murmured in a tiny voice.

Jason smiled. “I know, Shoma. He loves you, we know this,” he comforted.

“But does he?” Shoma whispered. “Maybe it’s not meant to be? I want to be with him, Jason, but we can’t talk about anything without fighting and when we do manage to not fight, we have sex without me letting him know beforehand ‘by the way, I’m not cheating on my boyfriend with you’.”

Jason hummed. “Maybe we should break up now?” he suggested and Shoma sighed but shook his head.

“No, he’ll just think you dumped me for cheating on you, and he’ll feel guilty,” he said, rubbing at his forehead. “This is hopeless, Jason.”

“Don’t worry, Shoma,” he comforted. “It’s meant to be, I know it. It’ll work out, just don’t give up hope.”

Shoma whimpered softly. “I love him, Jason,” he whispered and Jason cooed.

“I know you do, Shoma,” he comforted. Shoma just wished he could believe him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both not much and A BIG THING both happen in this chapter.
> 
> (Happy Thanksgiving Americans!)

Very little was more awkward than coming face to face with Javier and seeing him _blush_. Shoma knew exactly what there meant. It meant that he knew what Shoma had done in some amount of detail. Yuzuru probably called him upset and told him everything. It was such a humiliating thought. 

Worse yet was the way it was clear Javier was judging him. When he spoke to him, Javier said some really specific things that made it obvious what he thought of him. 

Shoma tracked Javier down after check-in and greeted him to ask about Yuzuru. “How Yuzuru is? He feel more good?” he asked politely, and Javier raised an eyebrow.

“He’s healing. Brian says focusing on building up his strength again is the main worry,” he said, and Shoma nodded.

“Good. I want big competition at National skating, not win because without Yuzuru,” he replied, glad to hear that Yuzuru was doing well. He was upset, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still care. In fact, he probably cared more than he should just because he was so upset. 

“You know, your English has improved incredibly,” Javier said, and Shoma smiled up at him. He was very proud of the success he had made in learning English better. However, before he could thank Javier, he continued. “I guess having that American boyfriend is good for one thing at least,” he said. The way he looked at Shoma when he said it made Shoma’s stomach go hot with shame. The look in his eyes was of disappointment and anger. He said goodbye to Shoma and left, leaving Shoma standing there trying not to cry.

Shoma knew then for a fact that Javier thought he was a cheater who hurt Javier’s friend just because he could. Shoma just wondered who all else thought that about him, too.

~

Practice didn’t go well. His coach didn’t know what was going on so he couldn’t confide in her the real issue he had, so she wasn’t really able to help him the way he needed her to. Things were entirely out of hand for him. His mind was running on overdrive, focusing on Yuzuru and how he hurt him. He also couldn’t stop thinking about having sex with him. He felt guilty that he kept remembering what it was like to be with Yuzuru and fantasizing about how wonderful it was when doing that with Yuzuru hurt him. They could’ve talked and hung out and took it slow, nothing that would be scandalous and hurt Yuzuru, but instead he had kissed him and instigated the entire event.

If he had just waited, if he had just made a show of breaking up with Jason and then give it time to settle before confessing his feelings for Yuzuru, he could have gotten everything he wanted.

Instead, he let his libido take over and he ruined everything just because he wanted to be with Yuzuru in that way right then.

“SHOMA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” He startled out of his thoughts just in time to turn and look in the direction of his coach’s shout, only to slam into the wall around the ice hard enough to bounce off of it and land splayed out on the ice, forcing other skaters to swerve around him to avoid him. 

He got up quickly, cheeks aflame, and skated over to her quickly. “Sorry,” he said, bowing his head repeatedly. “I’m not thinking clearly-“

“Shoma, you ran into the wall,” she said, looking at him closely. “Are you ill? Is something wrong?” she asked worriedly.

Shoma shook his head. “No, I’m fine. I just- just need to regain focus,” he said, nodding to himself more than anything. “I’ll try again,” he said, and she just gave him a stern look.

“If you can’t focus, let’s end practice early. You don’t want to get injured like Hanyu did and miss out on the final,” she said and Shoma’s gut twisted.

With one sentence, she only made things worse for his mental state. He really hoped that he could put Yuzuru out of his mind, but right now, it wasn’t working at all.

~

Before any skate, Shoma always took a nap. He got picked on all the time for always being sleepy, and he didn’t mind the playful teasing, because for the most part it was true. He didn’t sleep very soundly, so naps helped make up for the lack of a deep, good sleep he got the night before. However, the nap before the short hadn’t been nearly as restful as he wanted it to be since his dream was a little more ‘active’ than usual.

_Shoma whined, grasping at the sheets as Yuzuru kissed down his neck, only to whimper when Yuzuru’s lips closed around his nipple. “Please,” he panted, reaching up to grab at Yuzuru’s shoulders. “Yuzuru, please,’ he panted, arching when Yuzuru kissed lower. “Oh, oh, yes,” he panted, looking down as Yuzuru closed a hand around his aching erection. Yuzuru looked up at him with that teasing little smirk, the one that made Shoma’s blood rush to his cheeks in anticipation, and he barely had a moment to think before Yuzuru blurred out of frame for a moment before reappearing with a condom in his hand._

_Shoma panted roughly as Yuzuru rolled the condom onto Shoma’s cock and then crawled back up his body, kissing a line up to Shoma’s lips. Shoma moaned into the kiss as he felt Yuzuru moving around above him. He grabbed at his waist, stroking both hands down over the curve of Yuzuru’s gorgeous hips. Yuzuru pulled out of the kiss in order to sit up and lower himself onto Shoma, taking him inside in a slow, smooth stroke._

_Shoma’s body burst into flames of passion at the feeling of Yuzuru’s body around him, and he grabbed blindly at Yuzuru’s thick, muscular thighs. Yuzuru whimpered and let his head drop as he slowly began rising up and down, starting up a slow pattern with his hips. Shoma was helpless to do anything but lie there and take the pleasure Yuzuru was giving him. He watched without breathing as Yuzuru’s lips parted and he moaned with each thrust that grew in speed. Every sound Yuzuru made was one of pleasure and Shoma felt it echoed through his own body._

_“Shoma, I love you, Shoma, I need you,” he moaned, hands flat on Shoma’s chest as he fucked himself on Shoma’s cock. “Make me come, Shoma,” he gasped. “You’re the only one who can give me such pleasure,” he whined. “Can I come? Please? Please make me come.”_

_“Yes, anything,” Shoma moaned, reaching up to touch Yuzuru’s face, shimmering with sweat in a way that made him seem to glow. “Take what you need, come for me, Yuzuru,” he commanded, and in seconds, Yuzuru gave a loud, strangled cry of pleasure and Shoma watched as he spilled all over Shoma’s stomach. Shoma was getting close, so close that his cock ached with need._

_“Oh, Shoma, I love you, you’re perfect, no man has ever given me such pleasure-“_

Shoma gasped awake, eyes flying wide as his alarm beeping woke him. He looked over to the side table and groaned as he felt his face sticky with sweat. He shifted, preparing to move, only to gasp when he felt the fabric of his pants brush against his erection. He looked down and flushed when he realized he was as hard as he had ever been. He closed his eyes, trying to will his body to calm down, but the moment he close his eyes he saw Yuzuru’s body naked and on display for him and heard the sweet moans of Yuzuru praising his sexual prowess, and it only made him twitch. 

Shoma had one of two options. He could go get in a cold shower and keep from feeling the shame he knew he would feel if he masturbated to a dirty dream about Yuzuru after what he had already done to the real Yuzuru. It was the right thing to do, the smart thing, he thought. He didn’t need more shame regarding Yuzuru.

However, a cold shower would stiffen his muscles, and he had to skate in just a few hours. He lacked flexibility already, without the addition of stiff muscles.

Shoma flung a hand over his face, already feeling his ears heat up with shame as he slid his other hand beneath the covers. He tried to think of something else, or nothing at all even, but not even thinking about the sex he had in the summer and how mind-blowing it had been was enough to keep the image of Yuzuru’s beautiful face out of his mind when he came.

~

Shoma already knew it wasn’t going to be a good night when he got onto the ice for warm-ups and all he could think about was the dream he had during his nap. He hated that he couldn’t focus, he hated that his brain was so stuck on Yuzuru when he needed to focus on skating, and he absolutely hated that Javier clearly believed that he was a cheater who hurt his friend on purpose. All this mental stress was ruining his ability to focus and his coach noticed.

“Whatever is going on in your head,” she said, looking at him closely. “Just put it out of your mind,” she said, and he nodded helplessly. “Shoma,” she scolded, putting hands on either side of his face. “Just think of the ice. Don’t think about all the other stuff, okay? Nothing else matters. You cannot change anything right now and you cannot make anything better. All you can do is focus on right now.

He closed his eyes and nodded, taking deep breaths to try and think of the ice beneath his skates and how it would feel to be on it in a little while. That was all that really mattered. Nothing else could be changed. This was it. He could do this.

When the time came for him to go skate, he discovered that no, he really couldn’t do this.

~

When it was all said and done, Shoma still got a silver and qualified for the final, but even he wasn’t sure he deserved it. He had skated the worst he had in over a season. His scores were rubbish and he knew it. He didn’t know what judges decided to give him the scores they did, but they were too high. He felt even worse about his poor skating simply because he got scores others couldn’t even hope for even when they had the same number of quads he did in their program. He was almost relieved Javier’s short program score carried him into the top spot, because even if they both had problems in the free, Javier’s quality of skating was still better than Shoma’s distracted performance. 

At Gala practice, Misha dragged Shoma into a discussion he was having with some of the skaters, including Javier, and when it finished, Shoma couldn’t get away fast enough to not be left alone with Javier. Javier looked at him and gave a small, encouraging smile. “You did well, you shouldn’t be so down,” he said, and Shoma was surprised he sensed how down Shoma was.

“I do not skate how is enough, but I have grateful that I still going to the final,” he said with a nod, trying to smile back in a way that didn’t look strained. “I am sad you cannot. Short was amazing,” he said, and it really was. He had watched the video, since he didn’t see it at the time, and it really was something special. “Best skating of whole season.”

Javier sighed and shrugged with a ‘what can you do’ smile on his face. “Sometimes things happen. I was not feeling well in China and without my coach, it was difficult. All of us were thrown off by not having Brian with us at those competitions. Yuzuru and I in particular really needs Brian’s words to keep us calm. We have been with him for so long, he is like a skating father,” he joked and Shoma laughed. He really liked being able to understand English better now.

“Yuzuru say that last time we meet. He miss Brian talking about things,” he agreed. “Yuzuru say coach make him not be stupid. He say skate without careful when not with Brian.”

Javier’s eyes lost some of their humor. “Yeah, he mentioned you two talked about a lot of things in Osaka regarding your coaches,” he said in a voice that made Shoma flush, realizing what he’d just brought up again. “Well,” he said, smiling tightly. “It’s not my place to comment on other things with you and Yuzuru that-“

“I do not have boyfriend, it is fake, I know bad thing happen but I never want Yuzuru be hurt, never, I only ever want make him happy,” he blurted out, unable to help himself. “I so, so sorry Yuzuru hurt because of me.” He flushed, slapping a hand over his mouth. “I- I-“ Shoma’s words failed him, so he just cursed and skated away, rushing towards the side of the rink so he could run away and pretend he didn’t actually just say all those things.

Shoma changed his mind, he really, really regretted getting better at English.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even more prolonged torture to see what happens next!

Shoma had never hidden in a toilet stall to cry, but as he sat on a closed toilet and tried to sob more quietly while his fingers trembled across the screen of his phone, he decided it wasn’t as bad as some made it seem. 

When Jason answered, his smile popped onto the screen with a big, happy, “Shoma-kun!” He immediately stopped with a gasp, his smile falling away as he actually saw Shoma. “Oh my God, what’s wrong? Are you okay?!” he asked quickly.

“No,” he cried, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand, trying to clear away the tears. “Javier has been looking at me all weekend like he knows exactly what I did and- and judging me, and I freaked out and just yelled at him that you’re a fake boyfriend and that I never meant to hurt Yuzuru because I love him, nothing is okay!” he cried.

Jason groaned. “Oh, Shoma. I’m so sorry this has happened to you-“

“And I can’t stop thinking about him,” he whimpered. “I skated bad because I keep thinking about him and- and how I hurt him, and how guilty I feel, and- and-“ He blushed. “I keep having dirty dreams about him and it’s ruining my focus,” he confessed.

Jason tutted. “It’s just natural, you’re only nineteen, everybody has dirty dreams about the man they love, trust me,” he stressed. “And as for the other things, just remember that you are allowed to make mistakes. He’ll forgive you if he loves you-“

“But now I confessed to his best friend that it’s fake and he’ll never forgive me for-for lying!” he cried, wiping his tears as they fell, frustrated that he couldn’t stop crying. “I hate this, Jason! I wish I’d never fell for him. It’s so stupid. He and I will never be together, I should just- just try to move on! I should find someone else. Or- or become celibate,” he said, nodding as he sniffled. “I can wear myself off of all romance-“

“Shoma, you’re strong-willed, but even you can’t stop the things your heart feels,” Jason interrupted, giving him a pointed look. “Love happens to everybody when they least expect it. You can’t give up-“

“Why not?” he gasped. “Why not give up? It’s done nothing but hurt me.”

Jason gave him a look that spoke volumes. “It gave us our friendship,” he said in a tight tone, and instantly Shoma regretted what he said.

“You’re right, I am grateful we became close like this, Jason,” he said quickly, but Jason still looked hurt. Great. Now he had hurt his friend and the man he loved. “I mean it,” he said softly. “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had,” he said seriously. “Even if I don’t love you like a boyfriend, you’re very important to me.”

Jason finally smiled, though it still looked sad. “You, too, Shoma.” He sighed. “I wish I could just fix this for you. You being sad is so upsetting. You’re my best friend, too,” he said quietly. Suddenly his eyes widened. “Oh man, Shoma, I’m going to have to call you back. I’m so sorry, but something just came up,” he said.

Shoma felt a little frustrated but nodded. “Okay,” he said sadly. “Just call me later.”

When Jason hung up, Shoma felt a little better, but his tears still fell, though a lot slower now.

~

Javier wasn’t sure what to do with the information that Shoma blurted out at him at the gala practice. It sounded like he said that he didn’t really have a boyfriend, that it was fake, and that he never meant to hurt Yuzuru. Part of him wanted to believe he really didn’t mean to hurt Yuzuru, but it was hard to imagine that Shoma would devise some plan to fake-date a fellow skater, and that that fellow skater who agreed to it would be Jason Brown.

One of the _last_ things he expected was to, on the flight back to Canada, while utilizing the flights wifi to check his social media feeds, get a DM from none other than the man himself, Jason Brown.

_Hey, add me so we can talk, it’s about something important_

He included his contact info, and Javier had no reason not to do what he said. He was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, Shoma was truthful. If so, it would change everything.

The first message to Jason was simple enough. 

_This is really you, isn’t it?_

He waited for a reply, but it came quickly.

_OMG, yes, obviously! Who would fake being me?_

_NVM, okay, so, this is totally breaching somebody’s privacy, but I want to set the record straight._

_Lol, well, ‘straight’!_

Javier raised an eyebrow, typing quickly.

_Shoma says you’re his fake boyfriend, not a real one_

He had no reason to beat around the bush. It was the thing he wanted to know and Jason could tell him.

_This is true! The whole thing started because Yuzuru was mean when Shoma hooked up with a guy this summer, and he wanted to determine if Yuzuru was jealous, and if he was jealous, if he would react in a way that meant he was worth fighting for, or if he was an asshole about it._

Javier stared at the screen, mind screeching to a halt. It wasn’t that he thought Shoma as an idiot, but he never thought he could come up with such a plot just to figure out if Yuzuru, the most transparent person Javier knew, cared about him. How could this have gotten so out of hand, as well?

_If that’s true, then why didn’t he just tell Yuzuru before SLEEPING WITH HIM? Yuzuru has been so guilty. He cried so much I worried he would have an asthma attack. He was hurt and vulnerable and Shoma showing up and doing that to him when Yuzuru thought it meant hurting you only made it worse._

Jason’s reply was almost instantly.

_Give him a break, he’s never loved someone before! He really did mean to just visit, but he’s nineteen and in love for the first time, and Yuzuru was in pain and he couldn’t stand seeing him like that. It was a stupid choice, but he didn’t really have any reason to not do it. I obviously don’t care. I’m trying my best to get them together!_

Javier hadn’t really thought about what it must be like for Shoma. He was so young. Javier knew he wasn’t a child, but he was so incredibly young. Javier remembered his first love. The way he felt for her was something that he had no understanding of. He would have done anything to bring her happiness. It was the type of thing that made a man do stupid things because, as Jason said, he couldn’t stand to see his beloved anything but happy. 

And what Jason said about Yuzuru’s behavior was true. Yuzuru was also very young in all the ways that mattered. He had never felt the things he felt for Shoma before and it had made him behave like a real asshole that summer. The only person he had ever had any sort of relationship with was Javier, and that hadn’t been love. Javier did love Yuzuru, but in a friends way. Yuzuru was his best friend, and he would never tire of him, but he had never loved him, and Yuzuru had never loved him, either. They had been curious and single and thought it was worth exploring. Neither of them would ever regret that time together, but they both honestly felt it was just an era of exploration, not an era of romance. 

But the way Yuzuru got crazy over Shoma, and did stupid things, that was something only love could do to a man. Javier knew perfectly well how badly love could make you go crazy, and it was obvious Yuzuru’s jealousy had gotten the best of him this past summer. 

He really couldn’t blame Shoma for wanting to really find out if Yuzuru was that kind of person, or if he had just overreacted and could truly love him without being an asshole. 

_Yuzuru is miserable because he loves Shoma and doesn’t know how to handle it, so we have to figure out a way to fix this before those stupid idiots mess everything up beyond repair._

Javier settled back in his seat after hitting ‘send’. He had planning to do because his friend needed to be loved by someone who was worth it, and Shoma had been stupid so far, but that was almost definitely proof he was worth it if he was made so stupid by love for Yuzuru. Javier knew that stupidity well. It was the stupidity of a man who really loved someone and couldn’t get over it.

~

Shoma wasn’t sure how his brother could tell something was wrong with him, but he cornered Shoma when he got home from a rather terrible practice and shut Shoma’s bedroom door behind them after shoving him inside. “Okay, okay, so, you seem kind of depressed. What’s up?” He narrowed his eyes. “Is it that pretty boy American boyfriend?” he demanded. “I’ll fight him.”

Shoma gave him a flat look. “Yes, you’re going to fight my boyfriend who is twice your size and has all those muscles,” he said and Itsuki shrugged.

“I can still kick him in the balls no matter what,” he said and Shoma snorted, unable to help it. 

“It’s not Jason,” he said, dropping his face to the bed. “It’s somebody else.”

Itsuki made a sound suddenly. “Ehhhhhhh?” he asked, shoving Shoma’s face until he had to move so that he could see his face. “Shoma, is there _another man_?” he asked, then frowned. “Or a girl?”

Shoma hesitated. He didn’t want to talk about it, but at the same time, Itsuki had proven trustworthy before. “I-“ He sighed and pushed himself up to a sitting position. “I’m not in love with Jason,” he said quietly. “I never was. He is just my friend. He agreed to pretend to see if the man I really love would get jealous and be a jerk or seem sad.”

Itsuki whistled. “Wooow. That’s dramatic.” He blinked. “How did it work?” he asked, and Shoma groaned.

“He stopped being a dick and he was nice to me and- and he told me he was happy for me, because he-“ Shoma hesitated. “He told me I’m special and deserve to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.”

“So now you’re sad because the guy you really love thinks you’re unattainable,” Itsuki surmised, nodding.

Shoma grimaced. “I had sex with him and then he remembered I have a boyfriend afterwards and got really upset and kicked me out and won’t talk to me so I can’t tell him the truth and fix things,” he corrected, and Itsuki’s eyes widened.

“Shoma!” he gasped in surprise. “Wow, you have so much drama in your life,” he said, then grimaced. “Also, how do you have so much sex??? You’re so ugly, how did you get three people in one year to sleep with you?” he demanded. 

“I’m not ugly!” Shoma defended, blushing. “And it wasn’t three, it was two, and one of them has feelings for me!”

Itsuki glared. “You were pretending to date that cute American with the great abs and you didn’t hook up even casually? I’ve seen his Instagram, that guy has abs on top of his abs!”

Shoma raised an eyebrow. “Since when are you looking at boys’ abs? Something you wanna tell me?” he asked and Itsuki scoffed.

“You don’t have to like boys to have _eyes_ ,” he said, and Shoma snickered at him. Itsuki hummed. “Who is it? You don’t really talk about others much,” he said, and Shoma blushed. “Ooohhh, is it someone I know? Is it Keiji?” he asked, and Shoma glared.

“I’ve told you so many times it isn’t Keiji-“

“But is it another skater?” He perked up. “Ooohh, is it that old Spanish one you like so much?”

“NO!” Shoma whined, scrunching his nose. “That’s gross. He’s like thirty or something.” Itsuki looked expectant and he sighed. “If I tell you, you really, really, _really_ can’t tell anyone,” he said seriously. “Nobody. Ever.”

Itsuki nodded, leaning closer. “Okay, I’m listening,” he said, and Shoma took a deep breath, readying himself. 

“It’s Yuzuru Hanyu,” he said, and, as expected, Itsuki’s eyes went impossibly wide.

“Y- Y-“ Itsuki opened and closed his mouth a few times. “Yuzuru Hanyu?!?” he squawked. “You had SEX with YUZURU HANYU?!” he cried, and Shoma smacked him in the forehead.

“Shut up, stupid!” he cried. “Mom will hear you!”

“Oh my God, Shoma, you had sex with _Yuzuru Hanyu_ ,” he whispered furiously. “Wait, you’re _in love_ with Yuzuru Hanyu?! And he loves you back?!?!” Itsuki looked like he was going to faint. “Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh my God.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. “He’s just a person, a normal guy, Itsuki-“

“He’s _Yuzuru Hanyu_! He might not even be human!” 

“Well, he’s a person whose cock I’ve had in my mouth, so he’s clearly human,” Shoma said bluntly, and Itsuki looked scandalized.

“Ew,” he said, and Shoma blushed.

“He’s… nice when he isn’t being cruel,” Shoma said softly. “This summer he got mean to me, because he was jealous, and I was really upset because I didn’t think he would ever even be my friend again after how badly he treated me, but we started talking again when he knew I was dating Jason and he was sweet and we mostly made up, but then when he got hurt, I went to see him and we just talked and it felt like old times, before this weird stuff happened, and he told me how he feels about me and I just-“ He blushed. “I hated seeing him hurt and upset, and I wanted to make him happy.”

Itsuki gave him a flat look. “Yeah, sucking his dick probably did the job pretty well,” he said bluntly, and Shoma blushed even harder. Itsuki sucked his teeth. “Well, what are you going to do, then? If you’re not really dating Jason, and you love _Yuzuru Hanyu_ and he loves you back, what happens?”

Shoma groaned and fell over backwards, dragging a pillow over his face. “I don’t knoowwwwwww,” he whimpered, kicking his feet against the bed as he whined. He had no idea what he was going to do, but flopping around like a child having a tantrum felt like as good a choice as any at the moment.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AN END TO THE STUPIDITYYYYY
> 
> .... with tons of help, lol

“So here’s the problem,” Javier said as he tried to pack all his things while talking to Jason Brown on the phone sitting on the bed. “Yuzuru is coming back to Canada in a week,” he said, and Jason groaned.

“And Shoma’s preparing for the final so he can’t just drop everything and go to Yuzuru’s home to confront him,” he sighed. “Yuzuru won’t talk to him at all?” he asked, and Javier scoffed in frustration.

“Every single time I suggest he should talk to him about what happened, he freaks out about how he never wants to speak to him again and the shame is too great and how he’ll never be able to look you or Shoma in the eyes ever again…” Javier trailed off, rolling his eyes. “He’s so dramatic sometimes.”

Jason groaned. “And Shoma keeps trying to call him and he wont answer, so that’s where he’s at in all of this.”

Javier hummed. “Maybe I should just tell him?” he suggested. “Just screw all this ‘it’s not my business’ crap and just go, ‘Yuzuru, Shoma is not dating Jason, he’s single, it was all to see how you would react if he got a boyfriend, and when he saw that you didn’t react like an ass the way you did this summer, he decided you’re worth it’ and then yell at him to answer the damn phone when Shoma calls him.” He nodded. “Sound like a good idea?” he asked, and Jason laughed.

“I mean, honestly, at this point, that might be our only choices. Shoma’s finally stopped being stupid, but now that he’s not being stupid, Yuzuru’s being stubborn,” Jason said and Javier hesitated.

He had been joking, mostly, but really, Jason was right. This was just ridiculous. Their friends were practically made for one another, they were both so dumb. “They won’t see each other again until Japanese Nationals,” he allowed. “Maybe if they talk to one another _now_ , things will go better when they see each other again?”

Jason laughed. “Oh my God, we’re totally just going to tell them, aren’t we? This is amazing. And hilarious.”

“Look, if more people were straightforward in romance movies, then none of the drama would happen. There’s been more than enough drama already, so its time to just end this once and for all,” Javier decided.

~

Yuzuru had wondered why Javier wanted to come see him when he got to Canada, especially since Javier was leaving to go visit his family in a few days, but he obviously didn’t mind his friend visiting after not seeing him for a long time. When he got there, Yuzuru was excited to catch up. They talked some on the phone, but he wanted to hang out for a while with someone who wouldn’t fuss over him and baby him like everybody else was because of his injury. When Javi got there, he ignored his mother yelling at him for walking without his crutches. 

“Javi!” he greeted, hugging him when he opened the door.

Javier glared when the hug ended. “Why are you walking without crutches?” he chastised. Without warning, Javier scooped him up and Yuzuru yelped in surprise.

“Jabi!” he complained, hanging on while he was carried to the couch. “This is much not necessary,” he whined. 

“Yes it is,” Javier argued. “You have to go to Nationals. I will pull all my hair out if you ruin my plans.”

“Plan?” Yuzuru asked in confusion. “What plan?”

He did not expect Javier to say the next words out of his mouth. “You are going to win Nationals and then celebrate-slash-console Shoma for finishing second by making passionate love all night long.”

Yuzuru flushed and his eyes widened. “What?!? I- I- ehhhhh???” he asked, trying to parse out what any of that meant that wasn’t what he thought it meant. “I do not understand.”

Javier sighed. “I shouldn’t have blurted that out, but you’re making me crazy, the both of you, and it’s not even my business,” he stressed.

Yuzuru blinked a few times. “I still do not understand.”

“I know,” Javier said, slowing down. “To start with, you really, really should have just answered all the times Shoma has tried to call you,” he said firmly, giving him a chastising look. “If you read his messages, there would be no reason to have to get involved like this, but you are both stubborn. You truly deserve each other.” He cleared his throat. “Yuzuru, it’s like this,” he said calmly, putting a comforting hand on Yuzuru’s knee. “Shoma and Jason aren’t really dating,” he said, and Yuzuru’s eyebrows went up in confusion. Javier continued. “Shoma wasn’t sure if you were mean to him this summer because you were jealous or not, and if you were jealous, if you were that shitty of a person or if you just didn’t handle it well.” Yuzuru blushed even deeper, because he still felt so much shame over how badly he had behaved towards Shoma that summer. “And Jason suggested they pretend to date and see what happens. And when Shoma came to see you, he didn’t think about his boyfriend because his boyfriend was trying his hardest to get you two together in the first place.”

Yuzuru opened his mouth but couldn’t find any words. “I- that’s-“ He closed his mouth and hunched over some. “Why would he not just tell me?” he said softly, more to himself than Javier, though he said it in English should Javier have any insight for that.

“Probably because he was thinking about having sex with you, and that put thoughts of his friend out of his mind,” he said bluntly, and Yuzuru ducked his head sheepishly. 

“He- he was not cheating? He just- just want me so much he forgets?” he asked, trying to make sense of this information. “Shoma-kun is-“

“Shoma is ridiculously in love with you,” Javier interrupted. “Jason says he first realized Shoma was in love with you _last season_ ,” he stressed. “He’s never been in love before so he’s been so hurt by your bad behavior this summer and it made him a little stupid, but I think you have to forgive him for that, because you went absolutely insane because you’ve never been in love before him, too,” he chastised and Yuzuru nodded.

It was true. Love made him crazy. And it seemed like it had done the same to Shoma. Yuzuru’s heart began to pick up speed when he realized _Shoma loved him_. “A- are you sure?” he asked, looking at Javier worriedly. “Are you sure Jason isn’t his boyfriend? That- that it’s not some mistake-“

“I’m glad you asked,” Javier said, pulling out his phone. He brought up a message and held it out to Yuzuru, who looked at it and then made a surprised sound when he saw what was in the message: A photo of Jason Brown holding a sheet of paper that said ‘I’m Not His Boyfriend, Surprise!’ while he smiled at the camera as if it wasn’t the weirdest selfie of all times. 

“I still do not understand how Jason and Shoma get along so well,” Yuzuru said with a shake of his head. Even if they weren’t dating, they clearly were close friends. 

“You realize this means you can make up with Shoma, right?” Javier asked, and Yuzuru’s heart leapt again. He looked up in surprise.

“He love me,” he breathed, and then smiled, his smile growing wider. “Javi, he- he really loves me.” He clasped his hands together at his chest. “Oh my God. I should call, yes? Or should I wait until I see him?” He frowned. “It is so long until Nationals,” he complained. “Maybe I mess him up if I call before Final, though?” he worried, rubbing a hand against his chest. “I do not want him do bad. Oh God, Javi, what if I make him do bad?” He reached up, tucking his hair behind his ears absently. “What if he do not love me now after I ignore him? What if he _does_?” He rubbed his chest with one hand and played with the hair behind his ear with the other. “Oh, Javi, I do not know what I do. Oh my God. So many things can happen.”

Javier chuckled, reaching out to curl a hand around the side of his neck. “Don’t give yourself an asthma attack, Yuzuru,” he teased.

“Javi, I don’t know what to do,” Yuzuru whined. “It is so much! I never think much about- about this! About having him. Oh what if he does not like distance? What if we try and cannot when I am here? If dating Jason was fake, maybe he only likes to date person who live in his town?”

Javier pulled him into a hug, patting his back. “Calm down. It’s Shoma, Yuzuru. You know Shoma. Just remember it’s the same Shoma you’ve always known.”

“Oh, are you two talking about that boy you’re in love with, then?” Yuzuru startled when his mother spoke, and he paled when he saw her in the doorway. Javier pulled away, looking mildly panicked since she spoke in Japanese so he had no idea what she said. She just smiled at Yuzuru’s face. “My boy, you do not talk quietly at all,” she said and he gaped. “It sounds like he likes you back, though? That’s wonderful! You’ve been silly over that boy for far too long. He’s a sweet looking boy, so you deserve someone nice. I hoped Javier loved you when you two were dating, but nothing ever came of it, so I save up hope of you finding a nice man long ago,” she said, shaking her head. 

Yuzuru just spluttered and choked on garbled sentences in English and Japanese, trying to find words to ask how his mother knew he liked boys, how she knew about Javier and him, how she knew about Shoma, and how she _approved_ of all of this in the first place. 

~

Shoma didn’t do as well in the short at the final as he wanted. It was good, but it wasn’t _great_. He was in second after the short and he hated it. He had scored the highest short program score all season and yet Nathan had beaten him in the short even though he fell on his combo. He hated feeling so much pressure. He knew it was what came with becoming one of the top skaters, but he had always been fighting for second behind Yuzuru. Now that Yuzuru was out of the picture and it was someone else he was trailing behind, he wasn’t sure what to do. 

He kind of wished that Jason had made the final so he would be there to talk to. He could call him, but he didn’t want to seem clingy. They weren’t _really_ boyfriends, after all. Jason had been weird lately anyways. He had been sneaky, like he was keeping secrets, and Shoma hated to be the one to tell Jason, but he was terrible at keeping secrets. Absolutely terrible. It was obvious from a mile away that Jason wanted to tell him something and was having to fight to keep it in. It made him harder to talk to when they called because he made excuses to avoid talking about certain things. 

When Shoma got to his hotel room, he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing he could go train. He laughed at himself humorlessly when he realized he was turning in Yuzuru. Every time Yuzuru did poorly, the first thing he complained about was how badly he wanted to go train whatever he did wrong. Shoma closed his eyes behind his head and imagined how cute Yuzuru looked when he was frustrated at himself. The way he pouted was the cutest thing ever. Shoma always wanted to kiss that pout and make him smile instead. Now that he knew what it was like to kiss Yuzuru, he felt even more of an ache than ever for a kiss. If only he hadn’t ruined everything, Shoma thought with a heavy sigh. 

Almost as if someone knew his dilemma, his phone buzzed. He picked it up and answered without looking, knowing it had to be Keiji or Jason, only to gasp when he saw a different face entirely on his phone.

The same face he’d just been daydreaming about kissing.

“Y-Yuzuru-kun?” he asked, sitting up quickly. He blushed when he realized his hair was sticking up from rolling around on the bed in mental anguish and he reached up to try and pat it down while Yuzuru smiled at him with a small, sheepish little grin. “I- I’m so happy you called me,” he exhaled slowly. “I was afraid you might never talk to me again,” he admitted. “I want to apologize, please, I just-“

“I know that Jason isn’t your boyfriend,” Yuzuru said quickly, his cheeks showing spots of pink. 

Shoma’s eyebrows flew up. “You do?”

“Javier and Jason have been conspiring,” he said with a roll of his eyes. The corners crinkled as he smiled, scrunching his nose some. “Javi says he was sick of all the pining away and after you said something, Jason messaged him and they’ve been plotting on how to make me understand it was all just a misunderstanding.”

Shoma blushed. “I really didn’t mean to make you feel like I was- was using you to cheat on him. I just… forgot,” he murmured awkwardly.

Yuzuru bit his lip, his blush spreading some. “Javi says that you are just made as crazy by feelings as I am,” he confessed softly. “He is right,” he agreed with a sad smile. “I was horrible to you this summer, Shoma. I shouldn’t have been so cruel. I outed you to everybody. That was so wrong of me and I know it’s not enough to apologize, but I’ve never been jealous before,” he admitted. “I think I’m really bad at handling jealousy.”

Shoma smiled softly. “You really are, but I’m bad at trying to figure it out, too,” he confessed. “I shouldn’t have pretended to date Jason. And I definitely should have broken up with him before…” He trailed off, ducking his head to hide his eyes.

“Before seducing me?” Yuzuru teased and Shoma looked up, surprised at how well he was taking it. Yuzuru looked shy but happy. “It was wrong, yes, but I can’t complain too much about a blowjob,” he flirted and Shoma gaped at Yuzuru _flirting_.

Shoma rolled his eyes. “You got really upset, be honest,” he said, and Yuzuru’s smile turned sad.

“I was upset because the man I love had made me his ‘fun on the side’ just because I was vulnerable and too distracted to remember it was wrong. But now that I know it wasn’t that, yes, I was still upset then, but I also understand that you were upset after I yelled at you to leave and ignored you all this time, too,” Yuzuru said with a shrug.

Shoma’s heart skipped a beat. “You- you said-“ He swallowed hard, blinking. “Yuzuru?” Yuzuru’s smile became something so soft, so sweet, and so _intimate_ that Shoma felt like he and Yuzuru were in the same room, not thousands of miles away from each other talking through video cameras and phone screens. 

“I love you, Shoma-kun,” he said softly, his voice so sweet and sincere that Shoma felt blanketed in warmth. “I called tonight because you seemed sad after the competition and I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, but if you don’t skate your best, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. I know it feels like that, because I’m the worst about it, but win or lose, when I see you at Nationals, I’m going to hug you and tell you I’m proud of you all the same.”

Shoma didn’t realize he was crying until his breath hitched as he breathed. “I love you, too,” he choked out, voice hoarse with emotion. He smiled so brightly it hurt even as tears slipped down his cheeks. “Yuzuru, I have for so long, and all the times you hurt me were terrible and all the times I hurt you were terrible and- and-“ He whimpered. “I want that hug so bad,” he confessed, laughing wetly. “I could use a skinny, noodle hug,” he teased and Yuzuru laughed, that loud, ridiculous laugh that Shoma loved so much.

“Oh shut up, I’ll show you skinny noodle hugs,” he complained, rolling his eyes. “We’ll have to find some steps so you can hug me back,” he teased and Shoma giggled, biting his lip as the mood turned lighter. 

“I miss you,” Shoma sighed, rolling his eyes, and Yuzuru pressed his lips together in a sweet smile, tilting his head.

“I miss you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter!!!!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE END WITH A GIANT PILE OF SEXYTIMES!!!!!!

Shoma and Yuzuru called each other every chance they got leading up until Nationals. Jason and Shoma ‘broke up’ quietly, so that the other skaters heard rumors but nothing that spread to the outside world. Shoma came clean to his family and coach about Jason, and was amused to find his mother sad that his ‘nice American boyfriend’ wasn’t really his boyfriend. He wasn’t ready to tell his parents or coach about Yuzuru, but he knew he would have to sooner or later. Unlike with Jason, he and Yuzuru were _not_ ‘showing off’ their relationship to make it an open secret in the skating world. They planned to keep it as secret as they possibly could, because if it ever got out that Japan’s top two men’s skaters were dating, it would be the end of any semblance of privacy they ever had. 

When Shoma got to Nationals a day before Yuzuru, he felt so antsy he couldn’t do much of anything without checking his phone twenty times. He was so worried about Yuzuru seeing him in person and just magically changing his mind, no matter how ridiculous he knew that was. They had talked so much lately. They had told each other secrets and shared dreams and fears and goals, and Shoma thought he knew Yuzuru pretty well before, but now he felt like everything about him was something special, and so many of them were secrets he hadn’t shared with anyone, they were secrets just for Shoma. The trust Yuzuru gave him was wonderful. He tried to be as open with Yuzuru, but some things still were hard to admit. He had so many fears and insecurities that some of the darker ones were troubling in ways he didn’t want to talk about. His fears of failure, his fears of never being good enough, those were things that he didn’t want to hurt Yuzuru by sharing. He knew Yuzuru would be upset that Shoma was so insecure. He wanted to tell him one day, to be truly, really honest with him, but that would have to wait and build up gradually. 

When Yuzuru finally arrived, he messaged Shoma that he was coming to see him. He had to sneak around the hotel to be sure nobody saw him, pretending to get ‘lost’ was his plan of attack, but before too long, there was a knock on Shoma’s door, and Shoma flew across the room instantly. The second the door was open, Shoma found himself flat on his back on the floor, having been tackled by what seemed to be a particularly skinny octopus. Shoma heard the door swing shut on its own, meaning he didn’t have to worry about someone seeing, so he just laughed out of pure joy and hugged Yuzuru back.

Shoma felt warm all over and nothing had ever been more wonderful than the feeling of being in the arms of someone who loved him just as much as he loved them. “Hi,” he felt more than heard, mumbled against his collarbone. 

He shivered slightly at the brush on lips on exposed skin. Yuzuru’s hug must have trapped his shirt between them enough to pull the collar a little bit. “H-Hi,” he replied, willing his body not to respond to the feeling of Yuzuru’s lips against his skin. 

Yuzuru pushed himself up onto his arms, looking down at Shoma, and Shoma forgot how to breathe. He was smiling down at Shoma like he was the most wonderful thing Yuzuru had ever seen, and it was _beautiful_. “I’ve missed you,” Yuzuru whispered, his eyes so warm and beautiful with happiness as he said those words that Shoma felt down to his very soul.

“You’re so beautiful,” Shoma blurted out, only to groan as a flush rose in his cheeks. He slapped a hand over his face and Yuzuru giggled brightly.

“You’re so silly,” he said, tilting his head to one side. “You’re so pink, too,” he said, sitting up on his knees, looking down at Shoma, who was still sprawled on the floor, arms and legs splayed out ridiculously. “Your blush is so cuuuuuute,” he teased, poking his cheek with a cold finger.

Shoma swatted at his hand. “Your hand are cold, stop that,” he grumbled bashfully. He sat up and looked up at Yuzuru with a crooked smile. “Can we pretend I didn’t say something so ridiculously embarrassing?”

Yuzuru smirked. “No, because you called me beautiful. Who would want to pretend that didn’t happen?” he asked, then stood up. He held out a hand to Shoma, and Shoma accepted it. Yuzuru pulled him to his feet, but kept hold of his hand, kicking off his shoes before walking over to Shoma’s bed. “Tell me everything I have missed!” he said, tugging Shoma onto the bed beside him as he sat on his knees, looking at Shoma hopefully. “We have not talked in two days, I want to know _everything_ ,” he urged, tangling their fingers together on his lap. “How was your flight? Did you sleep enough? Are you eating well?”

Shoma groaned, rolling his eyes. “You’re not my mother,” he complained and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“Your mother asks these things because she cares and is worried, so I can ask all the same things,” he defended.

Shoma snorted. “You’re going to be such a nagging husband one day,” he joked, but instantly Yuzuru stilled. Shoma flushed, realizing what he had just joked _about_ , and opened his mouth to say anything to make this less awkward, only to be silenced by Yuzuru pouncing on him once again. “Yuzu- MMPH!” His squawk was silenced by lips on his and he froze.

“I promise, I am not trying to be weird, but I- I like that idea,” Yuzuru whispered, looking down at him. “Definitely now isn’t the time to talk about anything of the sort but just- I-“ He gave Yuzuru the sweetest, softest look ever. “I won’t be upset if you say that again someday.”

Shoma flushed bright red, but nodded. “I- I won’t be upset if you kiss me again,” he whispered, and Yuzuru’s smile turned teasing and flirty.

“Oh you won’t huh?” he asked, leaning in until their lips were centimeters apart. “Shoma,” he breathed softly, voice sensual. “I missed you.”

Shoma reached up to touch Yuzuru’s face gently. “I’ve missed you too,” he repeated, closing the gap between them after he finished the last word. The kiss was soft and careful for a moment before Yuzuru moaned into his mouth and licked at the seam of his lips. Shoma parted them for him eagerly and the kiss quickly grew more heated. Shoma couldn’t remember any kiss ever feeling this good. Not even the last time they were in a hotel room together. When Yuzuru slid a hand under his shirt, Shoma arched into the touch.

Shoma broke the kiss for just a moment to gasp out, “No sex,” before kissing Yuzuru again. Yuzuru made a complaining sound against his lips.

“But why?” he asked when he took a break to breathe, fingers sliding further up Shoma’s shirt.

Shoma pulled him down on top of him fully, until their bodies were chest to chest, sliding his hands up the back of Yuzuru’s shirt. “We have to skate all weekend,” he gritted out, pulling Yuzuru’s lips to his. “We can’t tire ourselves out.”

Yuzuru pressed his lips to Shoma’s throat, arching into the touch on his back, which only pressed his crotch to Shoma’s thigh. “But if we’re both tired it’s okay, still fair,” he bargained.

Shoma shook his head, trying to think rationally, which was hard to do when Yuzuru’s hand was creeping higher and higher under his shirt and his mouth was doing things to his neck that sent sparks down his spine. “W-we can’t,” he gasped, even as he arched his body as Yuzuru found a spot on his throat that made him _ache_ for Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru made a complaining sound before finally pulling back, looking down at him. “Okay, no sex,” he said, cheeks flushed with arousal. “But… making out is okay, as long as nobody comes?” he asked hopefully, and Shoma rolled his eyes.

“I’m nineteen, how long do you think you can keep sucking on my neck and rubbing your hips against me before I come?” he asked bluntly, and Yuzuru smirked.

“I’d love to find out,” he positively purred, and Shoma snorted and laughed. Yuzuru sighed but nodded, moving to lie beside Shoma instead of on top of him. “You are right,” he said despondently, looking entirely put out by that. He reached out and touched Shoma’s cheek with a pout. “You should not be so handsome,” he complained. “I cannot be trusted around you.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. “Have you heard of this fancy invention, it’s called a mirror?” He asked in an entirely flat tone, which only made Yuzuru giggle and roll his eyes.

“I love your sense of humor,” he said confidently. “You are so silly.”

“You’re one to talk,” Shoma countered, eyes tracing over the beautiful lines of Yuzuru’s face. God, he was so beautiful. “God, I hate that we have to be responsible athletes,” Shoma complained. “I’ve never seen you naked. I need to know if you’re so beautiful everywhere, not just your face.”

Yuzuru blushed. “You cannot say these things when we’re trying to be good, Shoma!” he complained and Shoma just grinned. Yuzuru bit his lip. “I am kind of shy about that,” he confessed. “You’ve touched me, yes, but only one person has seen me naked. And that was bad enough,” he added. “I’m not self-conscious about my body ever except when it’s time to be attractive naked, not just ‘it’s life, everybody is naked sometimes’.”

Shoma was surprised by that. He didn’t think Yuzuru had any reason to be self-conscious about intimate nudity. “Really? I didn’t think you would be worried about that.”

“I’m so thin and other skaters are muscular,” Yuzuru said with a pout. “I don’t even have very defined abs! How is that possible? I’m nothing but muscle and skin, but my stomach is mostly just flat with the slightest definition.” He huffed. “And then I’ve seen Jason on Instagram on Javi’s phone. If I looked like him, I would never wear a shirt,” he said and Shoma snorted.

“Trust me, I know the feeling,” he said seriously. “He doesn’t look like he would have those abs when he’s dressed, but he showed me photos from his vacation. It’s _crazy_.” Shoma smiled at Yuzuru. “If you’re expecting to see that when I take my shirt off, you’re in for a disappointment,’ he said and Yuzuru shook his head, smiling sheepishly. 

“I don’t really care,” he confessed, bashfully sliding his fingers into Shoma’s, so their hands tangled on the bed between their faces. “I love you,” he said in a small voice. “I don’t care what your body is like. Your face is beautiful, so I can’t pretend I don’t think that, but I- I think I would love you even if you weren’t, because I got to know you when you looked like a child,” he confessed. “You weren’t handsome then, but I still couldn’t want to see you and talk to you.”

Shoma’s belly flipped and wiggled so violently he worried he might start shaking from the nerves. “You’ve always been beautiful to me, but I love you because of how much you make me smile,” he whispered. “If I only wanted to love someone for their unnaturally handsome face and unfairly sexy body, I would probably be in love with Javier.”

Yuzuru gave a startled laugh, clearly having not expected that. He flapped a hand as he tried to breathe between laughs, and Shoma felt so proud of himself for making Yuzuru so happy. 

~

They were playing a dangerous game, Shoma knew it, but he and Yuzuru couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. After open practice, they waited in the locker room until everybody else was gone and kissed against the lockers until Shoma’s coach came looking for them, at which point they were very glad they were already flushed from how hot practice made them so she didn’t suspect anything.

While waiting through warmups, they kept sharing lingering glances across the room. When Yuzuru started dancing around and badly singing along to his music, as he tended to do during warmup, Shoma couldn’t keep the ridiculously fond – and inevitably sappy – smile off his face the whole time. When Yuzuru caught him watching, he blushed and smiled the most adorable little shy smile that Shoma had ever seen. They were supposed to be focusing on the short program, not making eyes at one another across the room, but it was so hard to ignore Yuzuru when he was right there. 

After the short program, with Shoma actually _ahead_ of Yuzuru very slightly, they both really needed rest, but Shoma snuck up two floors to Yuzuru’s room just long enough to give him a kiss goodnight, which turned into Yuzuru having to remind Shoma that he was the first one to remind Yuzuru they couldn’t have sex during competition. 

Shoma rarely had the spare energy during competitions to masturbate in the shower, but he was pretty sure if he hadn’t _absolutely had_ to go to sleep right away, his body would’ve been ready in a second for that sort of activity. 

When he woke up to a message from Yuzuru that just said, ‘Winner picks the position tonight’ with some very questionable emojis, Shoma finally, for the first time, _really_ thought he had a good shot at beating Yuzuru Hanyu in a competition where they were both healthy and no more distracted than each other. 

~

In the end, Shoma didn’t beat Yuzuru, because of course, Yuzuru thrived on being behind after the short and pushing himself to impossible feats in the long, but as put out as Shoma was at still not being the best Japanese skater, it was a short-lived sadness since, as soon as they were free from the press to ‘go unwind and process the day’s events’, Shoma barely had time to dim the lights in his hotel room and draw the blinds shut before there was an incessant knocking.

He walked over in quick strides, opened it, and then immediately dragged Yuzuru inside. Yuzuru hadn’t even tied his shoelaces so he could quickly kick them off at the door. It took seconds for them to be on each other, teeth clacking painfully in their eagerness to taste each other. Shoma had his hands under Yuzuru’s shirt faster than Yuzuru could grab the waist of Shoma’s pants, and from there they really took more time that needed trying to silently fight over who got to take an article of clothing off of who first. 

By the time they were finally, gloriously naked, Shoma hadn’t even gotten to see much of Yuzuru because their bodies were pressed together from lips to knees. “Alright, Winner,” Shoma panted, hands curling around Yuzuru’s ridiculously tiny waist to put at least a breath of space between them. “How do you want this?” he asked, and Yuzuru looked him right in the eyes, a look of intense seriousness in them, and said something that almost made Shoma drop dead that second from how hot it was.

“Fuck me.”

Shoma opened and closed his mouth a few times but Yuzuru didn’t seem to have time for that. He smirked and shoved Shoma back onto the bed, going to grab the condoms and lube that Shoma had sat out on the table in obvious anticipation. Shoma managed to crawl back up onto the bed, watching as Yuzuru walked around naked.

He was _gorgeous_. Shoma didn’t think he was even slightly girly, he was a very masculine man, but the shape of Yuzuru’s body was quite feminine. It was almost like every hard edge masculine feature had been softened it something graceful and beautiful. It was no wonder that nobody could reach the same artistic score as Yuzuru, because his body was like art. A beautifully masculine yet gracefully feminine specimen of raw power. Shoma was mildly distracted by the throwaway thought that it was almost like someone found everything that turned Shoma on and put it all into one man’s body. The predatory way he approached the bed, his curved hips moving like a tiger ready to pounce, was possibly the most erotic thing Shoma had ever experienced in his entire life. 

Yuzuru crawled up the bed with his bottom lip between his teeth and Shoma got harder than he had ever been. He was also pretty sure whatever blood wasn’t in his cock was in his cheeks, because he felt flushed and breathless before Yuzuru even touched him. “Shoma,” he moaned, pressing a kiss to his knee. He put his hand on Shoma’s thigh, sliding his warm palm up Shoma’s leg as he crawled closer. “I want you.”

Shoma’s brain finally stopped short-circuiting and he caught Yuzuru’s elbows, tugging him until he fell into Shoma’s lap, laughing breathlessly as he braced himself on Shoma’s shoulders. Sitting in his lap, Yuzuru was so much taller, but Shoma didn’t mind at all, because it put him in just the right position to flatten his tongue to one of Yuzuru’s small, dark nipples. Yuzuru arched and moaned, hands sliding into Shoma’s hair. Shoma grabbed his hips and rubbed his thumbs into the hollows of his thighs, on either side of his needy length. He teasingly brushed his thumbs against the coarse hair at the base of Yuzuru’s erection, but never touched it, making him whine louder every time Shoma sucked at his nipple. “Can I?” Shoma asked, looking up at him, resting his chin on Yuzuru’s sternum, as he slid his hands around to cup Yuzuru’s ass in his palms, fingertips brushing between the hard, muscular globes in each hand. 

Yuzuru nodded eagerly. “Please,” he said, leaning back to grab the lube. 

Shoma put some on his fingers and teased Yuzuru’s entrance. He watched him as he pressed a finger inside, his own pulse speeding up at how tight Yuzuru was. Yuzuru moaned as Shoma opened him, arching into Shoma’s lips on his chest again. Shoma had never felt so much desire before, not just for his own pleasure, but the desire to make Yuzuru fall apart in his arms. “You’re so incredible,” Shoma whispered against his skin. Shoma worked a second finger into Yuzuru and Yuzuru almost _purred_ , he made a sound so sensual. 

“Shoma,” he moaned, looking down into Shoma’s eyes. He slid his fingers into Shoma’s hair and tugged on it slightly, making Shoma gasp at the pressure against his scalp. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, just firm enough to give him the feeling that Yuzuru was the one in control. “More,” he murmured, looking at him through heavily lidded eyes.

Shoma carefully pressed a third finger into Yuzuru, and Yuzuru whimpered. Shoma tilted his chin up and breathed, “Kiss me,” he urged and Yuzuru ducked down to kiss him. Shoma held him close, kissing him deeply as he opened him further. However, Yuzuru kept making soft sounds, like involuntary sounds of pain. Shoma pulled back and Yuzuru blushed. “It’s okay,” Shoma urged him, and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“I’m trying to be sexy,” he complained and Shoma grinned.

“You are sexy,” he said and Yuzuru grumbled. 

“Um, can you be more gentle?” he asked and Shoma immediately stilled his fingers. Yuzuru looked frustrated. “I- I haven’t been with anyone in years. And I- I don’t do more than one or two fingers ever by myself,” he confessed.

Shoma smiled and nodded. “Keep talking about fingering yourself, it’s totally sexy,” he said softly. “You should show me sometime.”

Yuzuru bit his lip, relaxing some when Shoma went slower. “Oh yeah?” he asked, and Shoma nodded with heat in his eyes. “I’m almost ready, I promise,” he said, arching his spine. 

Shoma shook his head. “Take time. I’m enjoying the view,” he said, looking up at Yuzuru, whose eyes fluttered shut and his body rolled seductively as he pushed back against the fingers inside of him. “Really, really enjoying,” he sighed, his spine prickling every time Yuzuru’s hips rocked against his. 

“I’m enjoying this,” Yuzuru moaned, gasping every time Shoma crooked his fingers inside of him. “Again,” he whispered, tipping Shoma’s chin up to kiss him again. “Try again.” This time, when Shoma tried opening him further, Yuzuru just sighed, rocking into it. “God, I forgot how good it feels to have someone else touch me,” he murmured, and Shoma kissed the column of throat in front of him, which only made Yuzuru shudder.

“I haven’t actually ever done this,” he confessed, and Yuzuru looked down at him, frowning.

“Really?” he asked, and Shoma shook his head, smiling a little shyly.

“I’ve only ever been with a girl and guys who wanted me to bottom,” he said, and Yuzuru tilted his head.

“You want to, though, right? We don’t have to-“

“Oh, I want it,” he said quickly, blushing at how forceful he was. “I- um-“ He groaned. “I had a really, really dirty dream about this.”

Yuzuru smirked. “Oh? Tell me?” Shoma blushed and shook his head rapidly. Yuzuru chuckled seductively. “Okay, but only because I want you inside of me,” he murmured, kissing Shoma again. “But later, you have to tell me.” He lifted himself up on his knees to shuffle back some. He grabbed the condom off the bed and opened it, looking at his hands as he spoke. “If you tell me your dream, maybe we can reenact it?” he suggested, and Shoma grimaced.

“It was so embarrassing, I actually would rather not,” he said honestly. 

Yuzuru giggled, which was a very big contract for Shoma, who gasped as he stroked his length a few times before putting the condom on him, which was equal parts weird and sexy. “Well, we can just do what I have a dirty dream about,” he suggested as he slicked Shoma with lube, and Shoma’s eyes widened at the thought. He knew it was only logical, but it was incredible to think of Yuzuru having sexy dreams about him. 

“What was that, then?” he asked, and Yuzuru crawled back up over his lap.

Yuzuru held Shoma’s gaze as he lowered himself onto him, taking him inside. “You coming while inside of me,” he moaned. He gasped, and Shoma had to kiss his skin. He held his hips and moved his lips to Yuzuru’s collar bones, making as many little marks as he could. He rubbed Yuzuru’s hips comfortingly as he slowly got used to the feeling. Shoma knew intimately how there was a very thin line between a pleasurable sting and actual pain when it came to this. He wanted to only make Yuzuru feel good things, no pain. 

“Are you okay?” he asked sweetly, curling his arms around Yuzuru as he fought the urge to come already, Yuzuru was so tight.

“Y-yeah,” he sighed. He whimpered some. “Are you?” he asked breathlessly.

“Just don’t move yet,” Shoma said, voice strained. He laughed against Yuzuru’s throat, which made him shiver. “God, this feels…” He gasped, shuddering at the feeling of Yuzuru’s fingers scratching at his scalp. “Yuzuru,” he groaned. 

Yuzuru looked down at him, pupils wide as he looked at him. “Can I move? Please?” he whispered. “Shoma, please.”

Shoma nodded. “Yes, anything,” he said, holding Yuzuru’s hips to help him as he started to lift himself up and lower himself back down, starting up a very slow, comfortable rhythm. Shoma knew Yuzuru’s legs had to be shot after a weekend of competing, so he was happy with something slow. Also, he knew if they went too fast, it would be over in an embarrassingly short time. 

It was _so good_. Shoma knew it wasn’t just the sex. It was everything about the two of them, together, like this. Yuzuru held his face in his hands and looked down into his eyes and Shoma felt like the most powerful person in the world. The pleasure in Yuzuru’s face was his doing. As much as he said he didn’t want to think about his embarrassing dream, other than the porn-level praises to his sexual prowess, this was, in essence, what he had dreamed about: being the man who could put that look of deep satisfaction and love in Yuzuru’s eyes. “Sh-shoma,” he whimpered, pressing their foreheads together as his movements stuttered. “I can’t. My legs are too tired, I can’t.”

Shoma kissed him, hands sliding up the panes of his lean back to rest behind his narrow shoulders. “Lie down,” he instructed, and Yuzuru lifted himself off of Shoma and then did as he said, lying down. Shoma kissed him as he moved over Yuzuru and slid his hands along Yuzuru’s thighs. “They won’t be tired if they’re wrapped around me,” he teased and Yuzuru chuckled, following Shoma’s suggestion. Shoma entered him slowly, sighing when Yuzuru mewled happily and slid his hands to Shoma’s elbows. Shoma guided his legs to wrap high around his back and marveled in how long Yuzuru’s legs really were. “One day, I’m going to kiss every inch of your ridiculously long legs,” he murmured and Yuzuru shivered.

“Promise?” he asked breathlessly, and Shoma kissed him in lieu of an answer. 

Making love to Yuzuru was more than just sex, it was a precious experience that Shoma hadn’t know could happen. It felt like something special in a way he didn’t know existed. It was in no way perfect, the way hooking up with a hot guy had been this past summer, because they were both tired, and it took them a while at the start because Yuzuru needed him to be patient, and it was awkward to be on top when there were so many gangly limbs attached to the person he was making love to, and Yuzuru kept accidentally elbowing him, his own self, or the headboard somehow Shoma didn’t really even understand. (At one point, Yuzuru kicked Shoma in the thigh hard enough it would definitely bruise later even though his legs were wrapped around Shoma’s back.) But every time they did something silly, they both laughed. When Shoma got a cramp from skipping some of his usual cooldown to get back to the hotel room fast enough, Yuzuru was patient enough to wait until he had rubbed out his muscle to ease the pain. When Yuzuru made a hilariously weird sex noise in surprise when Shoma found a sensitive spot on his side, he turned red but giggled and repeated the sound jokingly just to make Shoma smile. 

Shoma had never been so _happy_ during sex. Not to say that sex was ever something he was unhappy about, just that it was always about just pleasure physically, it was never about joy. Sex with Yuzuru was about physical pleasure, yes, but it was also about love and happiness and just being together in a way that they only wanted to share with each other. 

By the time they both were exhausted – Shoma’s fears of it being over too soon proved almost the opposite due to their exhausted states – and finally both on the brink of orgasm, the laughter had stopped and they could only watch each other’s breathless, sweaty faces as they warped in pleasure, first Shoma’s, and then Yuzuru’s, one after another. Yuzuru during orgasm was breathtaking, and afterwards, when they lay in a sweaty, happy, sated mess of limbs, Shoma couldn’t stop smiling as he looked into Yuzuru’s eyes. 

Yuzuru yawned and rubbed Shoma’s side gently. “I love seeing you smile,” Yuzuru murmured tiredly even as his eyes twinkled with happiness. 

“I love you,” Shoma whispered, biting his bottom lip as he looked at Yuzuru’s face. “I never knew I could feel this way.”

Yuzuru hugged him, pressing their foreheads together. “I know exactly what you mean,” he murmured before pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Shoma’s lips. 

Shoma knew that it wouldn’t stay this easy. They would have to get up and shower and Yuzuru would have to leave in a little while because it was unsafe for him to stay the night with Shoma no matter how much Shoma longed to sleep in Yuzuru’s arms. Yuzuru would have to go back to Canada and Shoma back to training. They wouldn’t see each other in person very often and with the time difference, their conversations would have to be planned precisely and never be very long. Until the off season, Shoma might not get another chance to even kiss Yuzuru since the pressure of the Olympics and Worlds would be so much higher than Nationals. It would be an agonizing distance for them, especially so early in the relationship.

But Shoma realized he didn’t care. Their relationship was worth it. This love was worth it. The joy of knowing that somewhere out there in the world, there was a man so special who still loved Shoma for all his faults, it was worth it. 

Yuzuru Hanyu was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg you guys I have multiple requests lined up on tumblr and the next one will either be toddler fic sequel my mpreg fic or another shoma/centric fic. I have 3 requests for Shoma fics. One is Shoma/Nathan, which I haven't ever really thought of, but there are 2 more before that one so it gives me time to think about it.
> 
> Thank you so much for liking this fic that start as just a request on tumblr!!!


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